...open doors!

So...after the third interview, I did, in fact, land a FANTASTIC job as a Resident Care Coordinator. At a privately funded Assisted Living Community (and Independent 55 and older Community) ten minutes (BY FOOT!) from my front door. Maybe closed doors really are just a way for life to tell you to open a window. I really can't imagine my good fortune, I got to quit my (not so) lovely cocktail waitressing job and am now working an administrative role in one of the more prestigious facilities in the area. Today I went to a Forum for families to come and talk with the staff and leaders in the community there, which was not only informative but also inspiring. It was so...reassuring to go to a meeting where they were discussing matching families up with resources in the community, namely, funding resources. It was amazing to be part of something that not only took care of patients on their worst days, but also followed them and helped them be healthy in between the check-ups and doctor's visits. And helping those families...and just watching the families caring for their parents, aunts and uncles. I felt like I was really doing something (or learning to do something!) to help. It was a great day.


In other news, I'm graduating THIS WEEK. I picked up my cap and gown today. And my red stole. And my Germany stole. And I got butterflies because I'm no longer going to be a student! I'm going to have to pay to buy beer at the Union (totally worth the lifetime membership, I must say).

And, in other other news, Marco is coming in two and a half weeks! I'm soo looking forward to that. We're going to camp in Yellowstone and the Badlands, but I'm having trouble reserving a campsite. Any suggestions??

closed doors

Two interviews and no jobs later, I'm feeling kind of crappy about myself. No, really crappy about myself. I'm going to work as a waitress all summer. And as a construction girl.

Someone recently told me that closed opportunities were usually just creations of new and better ones. I'm not sure if that's true...although maybe it is. If I get this visa next week (which I am crossing my fingers hard for) then maybe it's just the universe's way of telling me to enjoy my last summer in the US for a while. I hope that's what it is.

The worst part is that I don't even know what I did wrong. I had a good feeling after the interview and I don't know how I could've improved. The lady said the competition was really tough, but honestly, can it be that tough?? They were two other nursing students! There were only three of us! This means I couldn't even beat out one person. Not even one. That's just depressing.

Things have been hectic lately, I had a presentation and a project due yesterday (on a Monday! the world is cruel insanity). I'm on the home stretch, only three more weeks of class. Ever. It's a scary, but exciting world out there post-grad. crazy.

If I don't get this visa for next year (knock on very nice expensive rare cherry wood) I'm going to take out loans, quit my jobs and just go travel. Just go (obviously to places other than Europe). Worry about it later, come back and apply for a job as a nurse somewhere attainable, in a rural hospital. Live my life and try not to let the disappointment melt my spirit and destroy it. Maybe I'll get a dog.

The sad part, is with my luck I can see that happening. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the phrase 'if you don't like what they're saying, then change the conversation.' With my life. Instead of competing in the nursing field, I'm just flipping it up and doing something completely different and moving to Germany. Instead of trying to get a visa (which I'm terrified for, this streak of not getting what I want is scary!) and fighting a decision, I'll just go do something completely different. That's me. That's just how I am. Instead of doing things I don't enjoy, I just flip it on it's head and do something completely different. I don't know if that's a strength or a weakness...but for me it's kind of a fact. I have too much pride to not succeed in things, and if I can't succeed at something I care about I just...find something that I can succeed at. That's not really a good thing, typing it out like that, I suppose.

Now that I look at that paragraph and really analyze it, it's only true for professional endeavors. In social situations, I'll go out of my way to make things work and not give up on people or relationships for years. I wonder if that's the delicate balance I walk...and if that says something about where my priorities lie. And again the conversation changes--I wish what I wanted wasn't so dependent on other people.

So now...after all that psychobabble...I'm still sitting in a car place, waiting for tires and brakes. Thoughts can alter and distort reality so much, sometimes I forget that.

the golden years

I wonder what was going through my head 54 days after I started college, four and some years ago. Probably that I would be some multi-lingual diplomat making waves in the world in four years. Well, it's crazy how far life takes you throughout college. I think it's important to acknowledge the changes that I've gone through over these past five years...college is just one of those times in your life you'll never get back, no matter how insignificant those moments seem while they're happening.

Well, I started college living in a shared dorm room with a roommate I hated and a head full of possibilities. I wanted to experience things, I wanted to have a life of my own. Throughout my college career, the memories that mean the most to me by far are those in which I went out by myself and discovered the world. I love that. I love learning, and I don't think I learned as much sitting in classes as I did just by living. In these years, I've been to Switzerland, Kenya, Israel, Germany (three times!) all throughout Europe, to Florida quite a few times, to New York, around Wisconsin, to Chicago, to Denver, to San Francisco, to Seattle. I've been to dark corners of my mind, thinking obsessive and sad thoughts. I've been high on mountains, emotionally and physically, I've made friends, I've lost contact with others. I've kept the ones that matter the most. I've connected with people, I've had brief encounters, I've changed people's lives and so many people have changed mine. I've partied all night, but studied all night too. I've worked at restaurants, labs, nursing homes, at grocery stores, in people's homes. I got a tattoo and a couple piercings. I've had a Razr, Android, and an iPhone. I conquered the Disney Half Marathon! I went from living in that shared dorm room to my own (in a German speaking community!) then lived with roommates in a crappy apartment that we hated, but what turned out to be two of the best years of my life. I've lived on a different continent in a dorm room with a sink and orange curtains (two rooms with sinks!) I've lived in a large apartment in one of the nicest neighborhoods in Madison. In my dad's basement, in Shaina's old bedroom. The places I've felt most at home weren't always even the ones I was paying rent for. I shared a radio show with one of my best friends. I've gone through four majors, many difficult decisions, and countless stressful exams that I can bet you money that I couldn't pass again. I've made some poor romantic decisions, but none of which I regret, because had I not made them, I wouldn't have learned from them.

Looking back, I couldn't have asked for more in college. I pursued what I wanted to, I've had experiences that I wouldn't trade for the world. I've made friends I'll have for life and learned so much about myself. I'm so grateful that I've gotten this grace period into adulthood and I'm excited for what the next years bring for me.

So, to myself starting college, I would say: Don't worry. Experience as much as possible. You'll be fine, you'll graduate with two majors and a boyfriend. Let life take you where it will.

In 54 days when I walk across that stage, I will feel no regret, I'll feel accomplished and happy, but more about my own accomplishments than about my academic ones. I feel like I'm almost glad I didn't know it would turn out so well, just so I could try as much as possible to get it to work out just right. The perfect storm. 

march on til spring

This winter is just so long and horrible. I haven't been any where warm for a while (first world problems, right?) and I've been working and going to school. It's actually refreshing, after a whole semester of only going to school without employment. I enjoy the busy-ness.

I'm teaching German to little children, and it is AMAZING. I always go there after a long day though, unfortunately, so that's kind of a bummer. And rather than taking a German class I'm filling that hole by teaching and working at the Essen Haus. Love the dirndl.

I feel like I want to blog this crazy time in my life after I've made this insane decision to flee the country. I hear people around me talking about their life prospects and how much money they'll make right out of school and I'm choosing the European bohemian life over all things material (including paying off my college debt). It's such a me decision, I feel like I'm making the right one. I have so many ideas and open roads to follow, so when I think long and hard about it I am 100% sure I'm making the absolute right choice. It's just when I hear everyone else talk about their life plans when doubts crawl into my mind. It's like jumping off a cliff when no one else is. About not following people on the straight and narrow.

March is my least favorite month. It drags on forever. It's cold. There's snow. Spring still seems distant. The only holidays suck (St. Patrick's day? That's pretty weak, let's be honest). And to boot I feel like I'm coming down with a cold.

I wish I had some deep and profound observation about the world around me, but today I guess I don't. How many of those can one person have anyway? Can everyone's conversations be riddled with depth and ponderences about the complexity of life? Sometimes things are just mundane and we need to accept that. 

WDW 1/2 Marathon

A picture of each mile marker followed by a picture of me suffering after that mile marker. And some before and afters. And one in front of the castle. Best accomplishment ever!!