WDW 1/2 Marathon

A picture of each mile marker followed by a picture of me suffering after that mile marker. And some before and afters. And one in front of the castle. Best accomplishment ever!! 

aimless on sunday

I am refusing to leave my bed today.
I've pretty much checked out for the semester---I had like a month of really intense and stressful work and am now rewarding myself with less stressful (albeit still stressful) leisure time. I still have two exams (a pathology one and a nursing one) and I am going to make an effort to go to class in the future just to learn something...but--I've quit my job and I'm excited to continue on to Germany in 3 weeks! (ok, 25 days but who's counting?)

I've been trying to simultaneously sublet an apartment in Madison and find one to sublet in Bonn...no easy feat let me tell you! It's hard to do both of those things...
I ran my mom's run last Saturday, it was FREEZING COLD (and snowing) but we persevered, and I ran the 5k with Sarah and Karissa (my ITB whatever thing hurts still...) and everyone else managed the 10k. I wish I could've done the 10k! I also wish I could run now. I signed up to run the Disney Half Marathon in January (!!!!!!) but I need to get better first before I can start even thinking about that one. I'm so excited to cross a life goal off of my list!
The ladies from study abroad and I went to Ripon on Friday and visited Amy---it was fun! I love hanging out with those girls and it was really just a great time. Yesterday was also a fun night, I went out with a couple of nursing student friends and Karissa and we had a small adventure. I like living like this...22 years old and actually doing stuff! It's nice to sprinkle normalcy into a really strange life situation. I've been realizing lately though how cool my life is: I have so much freedom, anonymity, spontaneousness and want for adventure that my life is actually pretty awesome. And I've like...climbed the mountain of stress and bad luck so I feel like I have the ability to just be like FFFFF this and do what I want. And make the most out of my life.

Things that are happening [in attenuated list form]:

-i am moving to germany for three months for an internship as a midwife. combining loves right there.
-i am running a half marathon in disney world. [life goal: accomplishment in my favorite place on earth]
-tattoo this summer in germany...
-my mother is getting chemo and will be for the summer. i will have to deal with that while i am in germany.
-i am going to nursing school and get to choose my rotation next week.
-i want to do something crazy after i graduate, but will probably just end up working.

WHAT MY LIFE WILL LOOK LIKE TWO YEARS FROM TODAY [a prediction]:

I bet I will be working somewhere in Madison as an RN, trying to gain enough experience to join the peace corps. Or doctors without borders. Or just get a better job. I will be saving up money to travel. I will maybe be considering midwifery programs, or going to Germany to do that. I will still be very single, and occasionally still be very lonely, but I will continue to bury such feelings with doing distracting things like globetrotting and working. I will still be stoic and refuse to join a dating website. I will probably be preparing to be some bridesmaid in some wedding or another. Maybe I will still be arranging stuff for my mom--maybe she'll need help in her apartment. I'll have my own apartment: I will have gone through that awkward transitional phase of living at home for the 9 months before I get a job as a nurse...maybe my dad will be married? Jerry and Melody will be married. I will have run a half marathon in Disney World. I will be a member of a gym? Or just an avid worker-outer. I will see movies at my leisure and drink wine in the evenings. I will read more--no school, need to entertain myself somehow! I'll have bought a new MacBook (or an iPad?), I might be donning an iPhone 6. I'll start actually buying music from iTunes. I will have traveled to somewhere I've never been before by then--ideally somewhere rather exotic. I'll have a new tattoo. And a new wardrobe. (That's one of my first goals once I get a job!)

don't go brecht-ing my heart

I just finished an essay for my German class about Brecht and sent it off to Marco for a quick edit. It's due tomorrow after a week extension...I have another paper due on Sunday, too. This whole "spring break" is just a more accurate way to give me an excuse to skip all my classes. Three more weeks of early mornings, and then I am a free-ish woman. I'll be going to Germany soon...which scares me. I also have this 10k coming up unbelievably fast and I am out of shape again...

It's weird how one little shift can change my outlook on things. I was really looking forward to Germany for so many reasons, but one reason in particular took a really big change recently. I think it scares me now because I have been looking forward to things being a particular way when I got there, but it is all different now. My whole head is messed up about it. My whole outlook really changed and I have 40 some days to come to terms with it and accept my summer there without...that. I've loved Germany for so long and the fact that this is really messing me up scares me even more than the change itself. Life just gets so complicated.

Running has been severely affected by smoking. It's not quite a 'habit' yet, but I can feel it becoming a problem. I should stop, at least until the run, but sometimes it's just so difficult, especially driving in my car. Tomorrow I'll try running again, but I also have to check on all my cats so that will take up a chunk of my day. I'm watching Karissa's two cats, Helix and Nemo, while she is in Texas for Spring Break, and I'm also checking up on Cobbler, who I love, but she's so skinny lately it kind of worries me. I also have my doubts as to whether Baruch will let my mom have her back again, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Tomorrow begins my three week stretch of working with no days off. I find that kind of unbelievable...but I guess that's actually how it's going to go. I'm thankful I found someone to sublet my apartment (and she's going to use my bed, so that's one less hassle I have to go through before flying back to my Lieblingsort...)

Tomorrow: running, paper, cats, working, cats, watching disney movies auf deutsch/reading, sleeping.
Friday: running, biking (?!), working, disney movies/reading
Saturday: working, running, working on my paper, working
Sunday: church with Grandma, brunch with Grandma and Mom, working
Monday: class, running, office hours, German class, movies, sleep
Tuesday: clinicals, working, sleep.
Wednesday: classes, running, watching movies for school (!?)
Thursday: clinicals, working, sleep
Friday: clinicals, sleep (running?)
Saturday: working, school work, working sleep
Sunday: working, school work, working, movies sleep
Monday: class, office hours, German class, movies, sleep
Tuesday: clinicals, working, sleep
Wednesday: classes, school movies/quizzes
Thursday: clinicals, working, sleep
Friday: sleep, school work, working
Saturday: working, school work, bar crawl
Sunday: Running 10k, working

And in between all those times I need to find time to: take care of the cats (only until this weekend), visit my mother, pay the bills, respond to e-mails, take quizzes, eat and run. Also, proben for the theatre stück am 6. Mai are starting next week...I'm not sure how much of a time suck that will be but I need to figure in time for that, too. My goodness my life is crazy, but this helped me get organized at least!


okay, time to sleep (and sleep in tomorrow!) until I need to edit my paper one final time, print it out, and turn it in before checking on those darn cats. gute nacht alle :)

chicago

So I may have to upload this post after I will have left Chicago and moved on to Amsterdam, but I figured I had a couple hours to kill before I leave the country for good so I’d go ahead and write an entry for my loyal followers. If you’re new to my blog and just finding the link to this wonderful piece of online literature for the first time, welcome! If you’re an old friend/regular reader, I miss you already!

The long and arduous trip to Chicago was uneventful for the most part. We boarded the bus after a leisurely breakfast with four people who I have lived with (an observation that I made promptly upon sitting down). When the time came, saying goodbye to my mother was hard. I know I won’t see her for a long time and I worry. I feel like she may or may not depend upon me and I just worry that she’ll miss me a lot in our first long term separation since birth. She’ll make it. (Friends in Madison, please hang out with her if you can! She’s punny like her daughter, promise.) So I cried, like I knew I would. I cried not only because of my mom, but also because I was leaving my hometown! I have these memories about how hard it was when I went to Africa in those last few days, and I just hope that that homesickness was due more to the fact that Kenya is so completely different from what I’m used to that it started to be taxing towards the end.

So, now, we’re sitting in the terminal, waiting to board. We’re here really early due to the inconvenient Van Galder bus times, but that gives us a largely open window for me to catch up on the blog, the diary, the reading and the calling loved ones. I had some issues getting into the terminal; they weren’t thrilled with my choice of a one-way ticket and warned me that the Netherlands authorities will probably give me a little grief when we land. I’m hoping it won’t be a big deal. We had a slight change of plans, Shaina and I: my father (harmless and unprotective as he may seem) thought that couch surfing was a poor choice of living arrangements whilst we stay in Belgium, so he booked us a really nice hotel in Paris for 6 days in between Amsterdam and Köln. Thank-you, Dad! Needless to say, Shaina and I are pretty excited. We’re going to struggle through French together, see the Parisian sights and yes, you guessed it, Becca will be making a pilgrimage to Disneyland Paris. Yep. Yes, and she will love it as she loves the Disney Parks in her own country.

I think it’s that time…I’m going to wrap this up. I may be able to put this onto my phone and upload it onto blogger, but no promises. Time for me to hit the skies, try to sleep, and write obnoxious and strange observations in my diary that would make everyone hate me if they read them. Just kidding. But really, there are some strange things one thinks while traveling…

On to Amsterdam! Ooot yehayy (sounds Dutch, right?)

orlandon't ever want to leave

After the emotional shittiness that became Sunday night, I urged my dad on Monday morning to please, please take us to Disney World. Success! Disney World is like a miracle drug...it cures all of my emotional ailments, it gives me hope that there will be better days and that, as cliche, commericial, overused and obnoxious it may seem, dreams do come true. I came out of Tuesday at Disney World feeling less worthless and less down on myself, whether it was because I was distracted for the day or because it genuinely gave me a renewed outlook on things, that's what it was.

I guess the sore spot was the aftermath. At the time, I love seeing all the happy babies and good parents with their kids, smiling and enjoying the day. Because I love people watching so much, nothing makes me happier than people watching in the places that make people the happiest. Some kids...I swear I'll never see a happier kid. And I love that moment when parents ask their kids a stupid question, the kid gives them a cute answer and the joy just radiates out from the parent's face. I love that moment.

Looking back on it though, it's a tinged with a bit of sadness...feeling like those parents will never be me. I always get this panic...that those parents will never be me because I want it so badly. I wonder if any of those parents thought about it at all...or if it just came to them, like it's supposed to. And then I feel bad for being so envious because that's one of those complex perfidious emotions that seems like it's not so bad, but in reality, it's one of the worst feelings you can have towards yourself and towards others. I hate that emotion.

So anyway, today was another great day. I've been waiting since I was 11 to go to Hogwarts, so the 45 minute line this afternoon seemed like it passed in the blink of an eye. They did it so well. There was Zonko's and Honeydukes and Olivanders, The Three Broomsticks, the Hogs Head, Flourish and Blotts...there were shops that I'd forgotten about (and have forgotten again, but at the time I was like, No bloody way!!) and the best part about it all was that the houses weren't parallel or completely level, they were just like they had been described in the books...tilting as if held together by magic. All the doors opened with real doorknobs, none of that automatic crap! And Hogwarts...oy vey I tell you, I swear when I walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom Lupin could've strode up beside me and I would've been like, 'oh hey Remus!'

And the Butterbeer was everything I'd hoped for and more.

So, now, sitting back here in South Florida, I return to my not-so-happy mood. When I get like this it's best just to get my mind off of it...my dad and I made Thanksgiving dinner tonight so we would have time to eat all the leftovers before going home. He's getting more like my grandma all the time...it's almost frightening. I hate seeing my dad's humanity, he's supposed to be a superhero.

waiting, angles, and dreams

What troubles me most about my youth is not only the ephemeral nature of it, but also the fact that I rarely live in the time I exist in. I'm always waiting for something, nervous about something, looking forward to something, I can never just think about how great today is, or is going to be. Like, now, I'm looking forward to school starting and going home and seeing my friends and Aaron coming back, but yet, I find myself in this beautiful city unable to enjoy the here and now. What is frustrating most about this is I know that 50 year old Becca is going to look back and think, "why couldn't you just enjoy those two days? You'll never be 20 again, you're wasting your youth away." I don't want it to be like that, you know? I want to wake up one day and enjoy the process. Tonight I want to fall asleep not thinking, "I'm one step closer to Tuesday" but rather thinking along the lines of, "I need sleep. This feels great."
Fairly unrelated thoughts:
I always remember angles of places I am. Like this apartment. I've memorized the angles on the walls and doors in the rooms I've been staying in...I don't know why I do this. I do it all the time though, and then when I dream I recreate places really vividly and have a hard time accepting these happenings were in dreams. For instance, when I was younger, I memorized the angles on the ride 'Splash Mountain' and I'd always dream about it. I'd want to go back to Disney World SO badly, and the dreams would intensify every winter when we'd come down to Florida. I'd always imagine the reddish barn at the end of the ride that says, "It's the truth, it's actual! Everything is satisfactual!" and that would tell me that it was real...but it was always still a dream. I'm not sure if this is a positive trait or a negative one.

Speaking of traits, I am feeling especially appreciative of my ambition. I realize that I am a really ambitious person. If I want something, I will do it, I will work hard to achieve my goals. I think this almost can be attributed to the whole Disney thing growing up, because there really is only one way to make your dreams come true...work! Not to channel The Princess and the Frog or anything (which I am indifferent to in a mostly positive way). I really want to believe in dreams coming true.

florida, revisited.

Yet again I find myself in the Sunshine State. Today was nice, Sarah and I went to the beach, but the surf wasn't as good as it was on Saturday, so we didn't stay as long. (Shout out to Walgreen's for letting us park in their lot without a ticket...)
So after the beach we went out to this fantastic sushi place right by Publix...it was so great! The sushi was cheap and delish. The real story happens on Monday and Tuesday--Disney World! I have yet to not get excited at the mere thought. Sarah and I had a great time...it was warm (except for the hurricane like storm driving from Boca to Orlando on Monday morning) and it was crowded, but we had great luck for the most part. Also, those line length indicators lie! Seriously, we went on Dinosaur, and it said there would be an 80 minute wait, but we were on the ride 10 minutes later. A stroke of great luck.
I miss my Madison, but not as much as usual, as I have a heap of homework waiting for me. If I can just get 50% of the work I'm setting out to do done, I will be in good shape.

The rest of the week looks good--short but good. Tomorrow Sarah is heading up to see Phil in Sebring, Florida, a short three hours from here. It's okay though, I need time to do my homework and it'll be nice to hang out with Aaron. Speaking of, I met his family, which was a good time. Nice people, those Cohens.

run, becca, run

i really want to run this half marathon!
i'm so excited...
if only i had the will power!!!

and now i'm going to go run. for real.