A picture of each mile marker followed by a picture of me suffering after that mile marker. And some before and afters. And one in front of the castle. Best accomplishment ever!!
Showing posts with label florida. Show all posts
Showing posts with label florida. Show all posts
Friday, January 17, 2014
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
orlandon't ever want to leave
After the emotional shittiness that became Sunday night, I urged my dad on Monday morning to please, please take us to Disney World. Success! Disney World is like a miracle drug...it cures all of my emotional ailments, it gives me hope that there will be better days and that, as cliche, commericial, overused and obnoxious it may seem, dreams do come true. I came out of Tuesday at Disney World feeling less worthless and less down on myself, whether it was because I was distracted for the day or because it genuinely gave me a renewed outlook on things, that's what it was.
I guess the sore spot was the aftermath. At the time, I love seeing all the happy babies and good parents with their kids, smiling and enjoying the day. Because I love people watching so much, nothing makes me happier than people watching in the places that make people the happiest. Some kids...I swear I'll never see a happier kid. And I love that moment when parents ask their kids a stupid question, the kid gives them a cute answer and the joy just radiates out from the parent's face. I love that moment.
Looking back on it though, it's a tinged with a bit of sadness...feeling like those parents will never be me. I always get this panic...that those parents will never be me because I want it so badly. I wonder if any of those parents thought about it at all...or if it just came to them, like it's supposed to. And then I feel bad for being so envious because that's one of those complex perfidious emotions that seems like it's not so bad, but in reality, it's one of the worst feelings you can have towards yourself and towards others. I hate that emotion.
So anyway, today was another great day. I've been waiting since I was 11 to go to Hogwarts, so the 45 minute line this afternoon seemed like it passed in the blink of an eye. They did it so well. There was Zonko's and Honeydukes and Olivanders, The Three Broomsticks, the Hogs Head, Flourish and Blotts...there were shops that I'd forgotten about (and have forgotten again, but at the time I was like, No bloody way!!) and the best part about it all was that the houses weren't parallel or completely level, they were just like they had been described in the books...tilting as if held together by magic. All the doors opened with real doorknobs, none of that automatic crap! And Hogwarts...oy vey I tell you, I swear when I walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom Lupin could've strode up beside me and I would've been like, 'oh hey Remus!'
And the Butterbeer was everything I'd hoped for and more.
So, now, sitting back here in South Florida, I return to my not-so-happy mood. When I get like this it's best just to get my mind off of it...my dad and I made Thanksgiving dinner tonight so we would have time to eat all the leftovers before going home. He's getting more like my grandma all the time...it's almost frightening. I hate seeing my dad's humanity, he's supposed to be a superhero.
I guess the sore spot was the aftermath. At the time, I love seeing all the happy babies and good parents with their kids, smiling and enjoying the day. Because I love people watching so much, nothing makes me happier than people watching in the places that make people the happiest. Some kids...I swear I'll never see a happier kid. And I love that moment when parents ask their kids a stupid question, the kid gives them a cute answer and the joy just radiates out from the parent's face. I love that moment.
Looking back on it though, it's a tinged with a bit of sadness...feeling like those parents will never be me. I always get this panic...that those parents will never be me because I want it so badly. I wonder if any of those parents thought about it at all...or if it just came to them, like it's supposed to. And then I feel bad for being so envious because that's one of those complex perfidious emotions that seems like it's not so bad, but in reality, it's one of the worst feelings you can have towards yourself and towards others. I hate that emotion.
So anyway, today was another great day. I've been waiting since I was 11 to go to Hogwarts, so the 45 minute line this afternoon seemed like it passed in the blink of an eye. They did it so well. There was Zonko's and Honeydukes and Olivanders, The Three Broomsticks, the Hogs Head, Flourish and Blotts...there were shops that I'd forgotten about (and have forgotten again, but at the time I was like, No bloody way!!) and the best part about it all was that the houses weren't parallel or completely level, they were just like they had been described in the books...tilting as if held together by magic. All the doors opened with real doorknobs, none of that automatic crap! And Hogwarts...oy vey I tell you, I swear when I walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom Lupin could've strode up beside me and I would've been like, 'oh hey Remus!'
And the Butterbeer was everything I'd hoped for and more.
So, now, sitting back here in South Florida, I return to my not-so-happy mood. When I get like this it's best just to get my mind off of it...my dad and I made Thanksgiving dinner tonight so we would have time to eat all the leftovers before going home. He's getting more like my grandma all the time...it's almost frightening. I hate seeing my dad's humanity, he's supposed to be a superhero.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
intent or result
Result: I feel really awful right now. I feel frustrated, annoyed, regretful, stupid, used, rude and just downright bad about myself. Every question I ask has an obvious answer, every time I speak I'm babbling, every idea I have is lame. What I want to do isn't good enough. When I just appease I'm annoying and complacent. The things I'm proud of are just alright. Every opinion I have is wrong. Every time I express issue with how I perceive how I'm being treated I feel like beleaguering oversensitive girl.
Intent: Definitely (hopefully) not that.
Who's to blame?
I'm a good person. I'm a caring person. I'm intelligent, I'm helpful, I'm interested. I don't want to put anyone out. But somehow, I seem to induce the same problems I'm trying to avoid. I should know better.
Anyway: on to a few days in Florida. I can relax after I finish this paper, go to the pool, read for pleasure, get a grip. Get some rest.
Intent: Definitely (hopefully) not that.
Who's to blame?
I'm a good person. I'm a caring person. I'm intelligent, I'm helpful, I'm interested. I don't want to put anyone out. But somehow, I seem to induce the same problems I'm trying to avoid. I should know better.
Anyway: on to a few days in Florida. I can relax after I finish this paper, go to the pool, read for pleasure, get a grip. Get some rest.
Monday, November 14, 2011
mid-November
November is one of those depressing months...like March. Ever since my recovery, I have been taking very poor care of my body...(living hedonistically). I don't know if I blogged about this before, but if not, I'm covering my bases. I am a firm believer that my body is really only a vessel for my brain to be carried around in. That's all I really wanted to say about that.
I went back to the apartment for the first time in a week or so today. It was freezing, the hallway smelled like burnt vagina, but the apartment itself felt home-y enough. Found out I'm not moving back to the house officially until January, takes some stress off before finals, I suppose. (are they really only a few weeks away already?) My crystal ball says I'll probably be living mostly from home very shortly, as the food is free, the bed is warm and filled with cats and the internet is faster. And there's no blaring music every single night, gotta love the 'burbs.
Campus takes on this seriousness this time of year. Kids get real right around now...start remembering that school is extant and has serious consequences for your future. My classes are hard and I'm just not ready to work that hard, so I guess I don't feel so much a part of that as I have in the past.
For a long time I whole heartedly believed I was going to Colorado next week for Thanksgiving, but I am not. I am going to Fort Lauderdale (THANK GOD) because it's warm down there. Florida is like my second home anyway, I really should just suck it up and move there for my last two years of college. That was one of my college-age goals (albeit it was working for Disney, but that's just not going to happen). But I could theoretically purchase a Florida resident annual pass which would be just as good (if not better) in my books. Then the magic wouldn't be ruined. Who knows, but I'm seriously considering it, as I hate the winter and the cold and the ice and the snow and the miserable gray skies that only allow the sun to peek out for 20 minutes every day (and it's still in the 50's here...bad sign for the coming months).
Anyway, stress will ensue for the next few days, I wrote one paper today (only 3 pages) have another due on Friday (only 3 pages) and one due next Tuesday which I should finish promptly. I have a stats project and a quiz on Thursday...and then it's off to the homeland.
I went back to the apartment for the first time in a week or so today. It was freezing, the hallway smelled like burnt vagina, but the apartment itself felt home-y enough. Found out I'm not moving back to the house officially until January, takes some stress off before finals, I suppose. (are they really only a few weeks away already?) My crystal ball says I'll probably be living mostly from home very shortly, as the food is free, the bed is warm and filled with cats and the internet is faster. And there's no blaring music every single night, gotta love the 'burbs.
Campus takes on this seriousness this time of year. Kids get real right around now...start remembering that school is extant and has serious consequences for your future. My classes are hard and I'm just not ready to work that hard, so I guess I don't feel so much a part of that as I have in the past.
For a long time I whole heartedly believed I was going to Colorado next week for Thanksgiving, but I am not. I am going to Fort Lauderdale (THANK GOD) because it's warm down there. Florida is like my second home anyway, I really should just suck it up and move there for my last two years of college. That was one of my college-age goals (albeit it was working for Disney, but that's just not going to happen). But I could theoretically purchase a Florida resident annual pass which would be just as good (if not better) in my books. Then the magic wouldn't be ruined. Who knows, but I'm seriously considering it, as I hate the winter and the cold and the ice and the snow and the miserable gray skies that only allow the sun to peek out for 20 minutes every day (and it's still in the 50's here...bad sign for the coming months).
Anyway, stress will ensue for the next few days, I wrote one paper today (only 3 pages) have another due on Friday (only 3 pages) and one due next Tuesday which I should finish promptly. I have a stats project and a quiz on Thursday...and then it's off to the homeland.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
could my house be any colder?
A frigid 64 degrees inside my dad's house. Why he keeps it this cold, I will never know. I cannot feel my fingers.
Wisconsin, hello. I missed you, but I don't think it has hit me that I'm not getting out of here until spring. I mean, hopefully I'll go somewhere over spring break. Hopefully.
Miss Florida. Sad thought that I won't be going there so much in 2011.
Favorite thing about Winter that I always forget about: the pocket space! I can carry so much in my pockets. I kind of miss that when I'm away. Also, hot beverages taste so much better up here.
Wisconsin, hello. I missed you, but I don't think it has hit me that I'm not getting out of here until spring. I mean, hopefully I'll go somewhere over spring break. Hopefully.
Miss Florida. Sad thought that I won't be going there so much in 2011.
Favorite thing about Winter that I always forget about: the pocket space! I can carry so much in my pockets. I kind of miss that when I'm away. Also, hot beverages taste so much better up here.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
waiting, angles, and dreams
What troubles me most about my youth is not only the ephemeral nature of it, but also the fact that I rarely live in the time I exist in. I'm always waiting for something, nervous about something, looking forward to something, I can never just think about how great today is, or is going to be. Like, now, I'm looking forward to school starting and going home and seeing my friends and Aaron coming back, but yet, I find myself in this beautiful city unable to enjoy the here and now. What is frustrating most about this is I know that 50 year old Becca is going to look back and think, "why couldn't you just enjoy those two days? You'll never be 20 again, you're wasting your youth away." I don't want it to be like that, you know? I want to wake up one day and enjoy the process. Tonight I want to fall asleep not thinking, "I'm one step closer to Tuesday" but rather thinking along the lines of, "I need sleep. This feels great."
Fairly unrelated thoughts:
I always remember angles of places I am. Like this apartment. I've memorized the angles on the walls and doors in the rooms I've been staying in...I don't know why I do this. I do it all the time though, and then when I dream I recreate places really vividly and have a hard time accepting these happenings were in dreams. For instance, when I was younger, I memorized the angles on the ride 'Splash Mountain' and I'd always dream about it. I'd want to go back to Disney World SO badly, and the dreams would intensify every winter when we'd come down to Florida. I'd always imagine the reddish barn at the end of the ride that says, "It's the truth, it's actual! Everything is satisfactual!" and that would tell me that it was real...but it was always still a dream. I'm not sure if this is a positive trait or a negative one.
Speaking of traits, I am feeling especially appreciative of my ambition. I realize that I am a really ambitious person. If I want something, I will do it, I will work hard to achieve my goals. I think this almost can be attributed to the whole Disney thing growing up, because there really is only one way to make your dreams come true...work! Not to channel The Princess and the Frog or anything (which I am indifferent to in a mostly positive way). I really want to believe in dreams coming true.
Fairly unrelated thoughts:
I always remember angles of places I am. Like this apartment. I've memorized the angles on the walls and doors in the rooms I've been staying in...I don't know why I do this. I do it all the time though, and then when I dream I recreate places really vividly and have a hard time accepting these happenings were in dreams. For instance, when I was younger, I memorized the angles on the ride 'Splash Mountain' and I'd always dream about it. I'd want to go back to Disney World SO badly, and the dreams would intensify every winter when we'd come down to Florida. I'd always imagine the reddish barn at the end of the ride that says, "It's the truth, it's actual! Everything is satisfactual!" and that would tell me that it was real...but it was always still a dream. I'm not sure if this is a positive trait or a negative one.
Speaking of traits, I am feeling especially appreciative of my ambition. I realize that I am a really ambitious person. If I want something, I will do it, I will work hard to achieve my goals. I think this almost can be attributed to the whole Disney thing growing up, because there really is only one way to make your dreams come true...work! Not to channel The Princess and the Frog or anything (which I am indifferent to in a mostly positive way). I really want to believe in dreams coming true.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
hello 2011
It's been 11 years since the whole Y2K thing. What the hell was that by the way?
I got back from my cruise this morning. The cruise experience itself was...an experience. I honestly think I am blessed in life, it's an amazing life. But that cruise was not amazing. It just wasn't.
Shaina and I are in Miami for the next few days...until Wednesday. We're staying at Aaron's apartment. I must admit it is strange to be in a place that someone else normally is when they aren't there. It's kind of sad for me, because of all the time that I am not here and he is, I am here and he isn't. If you see that? It's also weird to live in someone else's life. Which is what I feel like I'm doing for the next few days. I do like Miami though, we have a lot to do here. I am grateful.
We lost the Rose Bowl...an omen for the year ahead?
I got back from my cruise this morning. The cruise experience itself was...an experience. I honestly think I am blessed in life, it's an amazing life. But that cruise was not amazing. It just wasn't.
Shaina and I are in Miami for the next few days...until Wednesday. We're staying at Aaron's apartment. I must admit it is strange to be in a place that someone else normally is when they aren't there. It's kind of sad for me, because of all the time that I am not here and he is, I am here and he isn't. If you see that? It's also weird to live in someone else's life. Which is what I feel like I'm doing for the next few days. I do like Miami though, we have a lot to do here. I am grateful.
We lost the Rose Bowl...an omen for the year ahead?
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
the last trip to florida of the year
Well, we're here, yet again. I feel like I'm one of those snow birds, the real kind. you know, the ones that fly down to warm climates whenever it gets cold...Shaina brought up this really interesting point today about how when people travel annually, they usually go to places where they have family. We always come here...no family...pleasant weather. Shaina and I went for a run today, and then Zach came over and we went swimming. Apparently we're going out later, but I'm drained because I didn't sleep very well last night (a pity, considering I have this whole huge bed to stretch myself out in). We had wine and Caesar salad for lunch. Lots of Merlot, which tastes significantly better after the first glass.
Tomorrow I'm not sure what we're going to do. Lots of boredom will probably ensue. I'm reading the book Connie gave me, I've made a lot of progress on it Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. I love it so far, and I think it would be a good use of my future nursing skills to go to someplace that is poor, like Paul Farmer does, and just help. Just help those people. Especially in Africa, I know there is such a brain drain in these countries...I also know foreign aid is not always the best solution but I feel like I could help a least a little.
Well, faulty interwebs allowing, I'll post something else tomorrow. I'm just bored. And so hungry! We're trying to save money, but we totally neglected the food aspect of our situation! I'm quite excited for the cruise...
Tomorrow I'm not sure what we're going to do. Lots of boredom will probably ensue. I'm reading the book Connie gave me, I've made a lot of progress on it Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. I love it so far, and I think it would be a good use of my future nursing skills to go to someplace that is poor, like Paul Farmer does, and just help. Just help those people. Especially in Africa, I know there is such a brain drain in these countries...I also know foreign aid is not always the best solution but I feel like I could help a least a little.
Well, faulty interwebs allowing, I'll post something else tomorrow. I'm just bored. And so hungry! We're trying to save money, but we totally neglected the food aspect of our situation! I'm quite excited for the cruise...
Sunday, December 19, 2010
when becca can't study any more
I am studied out, yet, I haven't even studied that much. I'm scared because it feels like I know very little about the subjects that I have exams in. I feel like I might fail these tests, but every time I look at the material, I'm like, "I more or less know this...meh. Six Feet Under it is!"
I barely studied for a few hours today. And mostly it was chemistry. Tomorrow I have my chem exam in the evening and my biology exam the next day in the morning. I have yet to pack, which is a bad thing because I can't believe it but I'm leaving really, really shortly.
My lack of devotion to studying scares me. I know nothing about plants. And if he tests us on vocabulary, I'm screwed, because I don't know SHIT about vocabulary, or where stuff happens, or schlerenchyma. What the hell kind of word is that? and if you wikipedia it the definition is so vague! it doesn't help that what we have to know is so ill defined. I really wish professors would just lay it out, because it's not like we can know everything about EVERYTHING that they do.
As far as chemistry goes, that's pretty well defined. I just don't think I can think about it anymore. I don't know everything, but I think my knowledge is serviceable and I have an A in that class.
So that's the wrap up on school. Shaina and I are heading down to Fort Lauderdale on Tuesday. We finally figured out our transportation fiasco: my dad is driving us to Milwaukee, and Zach, (thank-you so much, I know he'll never read this but nonetheless) is driving us all the way from the airport to our hotel thing. And to get to the cruise, Zach's very kind brother is being amazing and driving us there (to Miami, from Ft. Lauderdale!) (slightly higher chance he'll read this, thank-you so much!). I guess the two details left to sort out are getting back from the hotel thingy to the airport and getting from Milwaukee back home on the 5th...ah, well. We'll figure it out.
Alright. 20 minutes of biology. Ready? Go!
I barely studied for a few hours today. And mostly it was chemistry. Tomorrow I have my chem exam in the evening and my biology exam the next day in the morning. I have yet to pack, which is a bad thing because I can't believe it but I'm leaving really, really shortly.
My lack of devotion to studying scares me. I know nothing about plants. And if he tests us on vocabulary, I'm screwed, because I don't know SHIT about vocabulary, or where stuff happens, or schlerenchyma. What the hell kind of word is that? and if you wikipedia it the definition is so vague! it doesn't help that what we have to know is so ill defined. I really wish professors would just lay it out, because it's not like we can know everything about EVERYTHING that they do.
As far as chemistry goes, that's pretty well defined. I just don't think I can think about it anymore. I don't know everything, but I think my knowledge is serviceable and I have an A in that class.
So that's the wrap up on school. Shaina and I are heading down to Fort Lauderdale on Tuesday. We finally figured out our transportation fiasco: my dad is driving us to Milwaukee, and Zach, (thank-you so much, I know he'll never read this but nonetheless) is driving us all the way from the airport to our hotel thing. And to get to the cruise, Zach's very kind brother is being amazing and driving us there (to Miami, from Ft. Lauderdale!) (slightly higher chance he'll read this, thank-you so much!). I guess the two details left to sort out are getting back from the hotel thingy to the airport and getting from Milwaukee back home on the 5th...ah, well. We'll figure it out.
Alright. 20 minutes of biology. Ready? Go!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
give thanks
Tomorrow is the first Thanksgiving that I will not be having a nice sit down family-ish-turkey included-nice dinner. I'm really uspet about it. I mean, I love that time. It's one of my favorite holidays even if I only get to share it with two of my family members and have to cook dinner in a foreign kitchen, it really means a lot to me. I'm upset about it because this dilemma could have been avoided. Well, I guess, what could I do? I have little control over the situation. I guess I just never wanted to be one of those people getting take-out for Thanksgiving.
Enough of that. On to what I'm thankful for, because I feel like I need a reminder sometimes. Although lists are fun, I'm going to go for stream of consciousness paragraphs, I apologize.
First, I think I'll begin with myself. I am thankful that I have the ability to think and can express myself reasonably. I'm thankful that I feel like I can make decisions by myself and live in a place where I am free to do so. I'm thankful that I have a working body, which I might not always show my appreciation for properly, but in general I think we make a pretty good team. I think my body fits my personality (or vice versa? is that a weird thought?) and I'm happy with it for now. I'm happy that I have the ability to be responsible and work for what I have, and I am happy I wasn't just given everything. It makes me appreciate what I have more. I am appreciative for what I have been given, I'm thankful that my parents are supportive at many points in my life and I am thankful for the 18 years they spent supporting me, even if it was tough sometimes. It taught me a lot. I am thankful that I am Florida right now, especially because it's my first free trip this year (thanks, dad!). I am thankful for all the other times I've been here, too. I think I need a break sometimes, although I'm becoming soft for the cold weather of Madison. I am thankful for Madison. I love it, I love all the opportunities I've been given while living there.
I'm thankful for all of the people in my life. I'm thankful for the support my family has given me, I'm thankful for my friends for putting up with my ridiculousness. I'm thankful for the people from my past who have taught me lessons, even if I don't always take my own advice. I do learn from you. I'm thankful for all my memories that teach me and remind me valuable lessons about myself and give me something to smile about.
I'm thankful for all the hope in this world. Even though high hopes might make me disappointed sometimes, I have so much hope for my future and have goals and dreams because to me they often do seem like they can be realized.
I'm thankful for goofy things, like dairy products, Disney World and my yoga pants. I'm happy there are things in my life that I can look to for an escape from all the seriousness. I'm happy for those nights I've spent awake with my best friends, just 'shooting the shit.'
I'm thankful for all the people in the world who care about other people. Although this post is at best incomplete and pretty self centered, this world would be very different if the people who dedicate their lives to less fortunate chose to live differently.
I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving tomorrow. I know many people look at the holiday cynically with the white man killing the natives, but I think Thanksgiving has evolved into a day in which we should remind ourselves what we're really grateful for.
gobble gobble!
Enough of that. On to what I'm thankful for, because I feel like I need a reminder sometimes. Although lists are fun, I'm going to go for stream of consciousness paragraphs, I apologize.
First, I think I'll begin with myself. I am thankful that I have the ability to think and can express myself reasonably. I'm thankful that I feel like I can make decisions by myself and live in a place where I am free to do so. I'm thankful that I have a working body, which I might not always show my appreciation for properly, but in general I think we make a pretty good team. I think my body fits my personality (or vice versa? is that a weird thought?) and I'm happy with it for now. I'm happy that I have the ability to be responsible and work for what I have, and I am happy I wasn't just given everything. It makes me appreciate what I have more. I am appreciative for what I have been given, I'm thankful that my parents are supportive at many points in my life and I am thankful for the 18 years they spent supporting me, even if it was tough sometimes. It taught me a lot. I am thankful that I am Florida right now, especially because it's my first free trip this year (thanks, dad!). I am thankful for all the other times I've been here, too. I think I need a break sometimes, although I'm becoming soft for the cold weather of Madison. I am thankful for Madison. I love it, I love all the opportunities I've been given while living there.
I'm thankful for all of the people in my life. I'm thankful for the support my family has given me, I'm thankful for my friends for putting up with my ridiculousness. I'm thankful for the people from my past who have taught me lessons, even if I don't always take my own advice. I do learn from you. I'm thankful for all my memories that teach me and remind me valuable lessons about myself and give me something to smile about.
I'm thankful for all the hope in this world. Even though high hopes might make me disappointed sometimes, I have so much hope for my future and have goals and dreams because to me they often do seem like they can be realized.
I'm thankful for goofy things, like dairy products, Disney World and my yoga pants. I'm happy there are things in my life that I can look to for an escape from all the seriousness. I'm happy for those nights I've spent awake with my best friends, just 'shooting the shit.'
I'm thankful for all the people in the world who care about other people. Although this post is at best incomplete and pretty self centered, this world would be very different if the people who dedicate their lives to less fortunate chose to live differently.
I hope everyone has a nice Thanksgiving tomorrow. I know many people look at the holiday cynically with the white man killing the natives, but I think Thanksgiving has evolved into a day in which we should remind ourselves what we're really grateful for.
gobble gobble!
Friday, November 19, 2010
anticipation
The cold is the type the chills my bones. I don't know how I've survived the last 20 winters. Monday cannot come soon enough.
Things have been going alright otherwise; I've gotten to the point in the semester when I just procrastinate on everything. I guess it's deserved though. I mean, I'm not a spectacular student anymore and I'm ok with that. I have other priorities, and I think it's ok because I've earned the right to decide how to deal with school. I've decided what I want to do, and I can be comfortable in my ability, challenge myself and learn without worrying about getting a 4.0. I feel great about my life choices this week.
Also, I've been looking at life differently this week. I've started to think about how happy I can be, how things aren't finite, determined, sad...I have power over my life. It's great. I'm going to be fine.
Things, however, that could definitely be improved upon include but are not limited to:
-climate of my home. (moving toward equator?)
-fluency in german (only a matter of a year, hoefflich)
-thinking positively about other people (needs to happen more)
-over analyzing things (do any of these things matter in the long run?)
-demanding respect from those around me in my actions (don't give others a reason to lose respect)
-caring about others (seriously, less self absorbtion)
-sweeping flaws under the rug (should happen more)
-keeping my heart off my sleeve (buy long sleeved shirts!)
Things have been going alright otherwise; I've gotten to the point in the semester when I just procrastinate on everything. I guess it's deserved though. I mean, I'm not a spectacular student anymore and I'm ok with that. I have other priorities, and I think it's ok because I've earned the right to decide how to deal with school. I've decided what I want to do, and I can be comfortable in my ability, challenge myself and learn without worrying about getting a 4.0. I feel great about my life choices this week.
Also, I've been looking at life differently this week. I've started to think about how happy I can be, how things aren't finite, determined, sad...I have power over my life. It's great. I'm going to be fine.
Things, however, that could definitely be improved upon include but are not limited to:
-climate of my home. (moving toward equator?)
-fluency in german (only a matter of a year, hoefflich)
-thinking positively about other people (needs to happen more)
-over analyzing things (do any of these things matter in the long run?)
-demanding respect from those around me in my actions (don't give others a reason to lose respect)
-caring about others (seriously, less self absorbtion)
-sweeping flaws under the rug (should happen more)
-keeping my heart off my sleeve (buy long sleeved shirts!)
Monday, June 14, 2010
alright, alright, enough with the self-loathing
I'm in Florida...it's so humid here it's unbelievable. It was a long week last week, I think a lot of it had to do with stress over this week. So far, I'm alright. Today I'm going to be a Bahama Mama! haha
I'm looking forward to relaxing and will be in touch.
I'm looking forward to relaxing and will be in touch.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
nothing to do
I guess I could categorize the title of this entry as a pun from the band "Something to Do" but nobody knows that band anyway so I continue.
What has happened to me of late, you ask?
Well, on Monday I returned from the Dells, hung out with Sarah. We tried, unsuccessfully, to watch Love Actually. She fell asleep and the disc started skipping around the middle-end of the movie. This was ok because I have seen the end more times than I've seen the beginning anyway.
Tuesday was a big day--I started at my new lab job (!) which was really cool, but overwhelming. I guess it just kind of hit me that I'll actually need to apply knowledge to do this job rather than the kind of low work I'm used to (checking out groceries). After work, Sarah and I went to the Overture Center to see the Lion King (which was amazing, dragged a little toward the middle of act I, but at least they tried to extend it to be longer, eh) and got Sushi/Tempura. It was delish, except that I fear that eating room-temperature raw fish made me quite ill, as I woke up the next morning with a terrible stomach ache.
Wednesday (a very long day)--I woke up with a terrible stomach ache at 4:54, even though I clearly set my alarm for 4:30. It claimed it had gone off, but there was no notification and I certainly didn't hear it (a function of only 3 hours of sleep?). Anyway, I headed to the airport for an especially early flight to Memphis, and then the next one down to Fort Lauderdale. Upon an early arrival, I rushed down to the Tri-Rail and caught the train, which was on time, but the schedule said I would get there exactly 10 minutes later than I actually did (1:28 as opposed to 1:38). Alas. I waited until 2:15 before Jordan (one of Zach's friends) came to pick me up in Zach's car. It was so muggy outside, it was hard to sweat, but I managed. In the car we made weird conversation (not awkward, just weird) and he dropped me off. I walked in the door and sighed because it was cooler, and I turned around to take my stuff upstairs, and screamed, because standing in the doorway was Aaron. I was expecting to be here alone until like 5. It was sweet, but I handled it poorly. Sometimes I wish I could take back how I handle situations and redo them, especially because I had it all worked out how I would handle my reuniting with him (suave and cute, both of which I was not). Anyway. We spent the afternoon and evening together, we had to take care of Blair, his parents' dog. She slept here. And almost bit off my toe. But I don't mind her especially. She's cute.
Which brings us to today:
Today I have nothing to do. Aaron left really early this morning, and I remained asleep until 10:45. I woke and realized that for the first time in perhaps forever (?) I have no responsibilities. The weirdest feeling, it really is. I plan on napping and perhaps reading, I brought running clothes with the intention of going exercising but it's much, much, much too muggy outside. I've never been in Florida in the summer before, so this is truly an experience. It's not even that hot, just muggy. I miss my Madison, though. Aarushi, we should skype :)
What has happened to me of late, you ask?
Well, on Monday I returned from the Dells, hung out with Sarah. We tried, unsuccessfully, to watch Love Actually. She fell asleep and the disc started skipping around the middle-end of the movie. This was ok because I have seen the end more times than I've seen the beginning anyway.
Tuesday was a big day--I started at my new lab job (!) which was really cool, but overwhelming. I guess it just kind of hit me that I'll actually need to apply knowledge to do this job rather than the kind of low work I'm used to (checking out groceries). After work, Sarah and I went to the Overture Center to see the Lion King (which was amazing, dragged a little toward the middle of act I, but at least they tried to extend it to be longer, eh) and got Sushi/Tempura. It was delish, except that I fear that eating room-temperature raw fish made me quite ill, as I woke up the next morning with a terrible stomach ache.
Wednesday (a very long day)--I woke up with a terrible stomach ache at 4:54, even though I clearly set my alarm for 4:30. It claimed it had gone off, but there was no notification and I certainly didn't hear it (a function of only 3 hours of sleep?). Anyway, I headed to the airport for an especially early flight to Memphis, and then the next one down to Fort Lauderdale. Upon an early arrival, I rushed down to the Tri-Rail and caught the train, which was on time, but the schedule said I would get there exactly 10 minutes later than I actually did (1:28 as opposed to 1:38). Alas. I waited until 2:15 before Jordan (one of Zach's friends) came to pick me up in Zach's car. It was so muggy outside, it was hard to sweat, but I managed. In the car we made weird conversation (not awkward, just weird) and he dropped me off. I walked in the door and sighed because it was cooler, and I turned around to take my stuff upstairs, and screamed, because standing in the doorway was Aaron. I was expecting to be here alone until like 5. It was sweet, but I handled it poorly. Sometimes I wish I could take back how I handle situations and redo them, especially because I had it all worked out how I would handle my reuniting with him (suave and cute, both of which I was not). Anyway. We spent the afternoon and evening together, we had to take care of Blair, his parents' dog. She slept here. And almost bit off my toe. But I don't mind her especially. She's cute.
Which brings us to today:
Today I have nothing to do. Aaron left really early this morning, and I remained asleep until 10:45. I woke and realized that for the first time in perhaps forever (?) I have no responsibilities. The weirdest feeling, it really is. I plan on napping and perhaps reading, I brought running clothes with the intention of going exercising but it's much, much, much too muggy outside. I've never been in Florida in the summer before, so this is truly an experience. It's not even that hot, just muggy. I miss my Madison, though. Aarushi, we should skype :)
Monday, April 5, 2010
Warning:
this is not a directed post. it may or may not have rhyme or reason. these are thoughts that were thought and i needed to get out.
To begin: I'm watching this movie "Das Leben der Andere" crap. boring crap. not my style. I don't want to watch this, and I'm not.
I just got back from Florida yesterday. The drive back was long, we had to stop and rest. It was nice though, I got a lot of quality time with Sarah and hopefully she's not so full of contempt. There were a couple rough patches while we were in Florida. I love her.
Aarushi has been confiding in me with her problems, of which, I am selfishly of little help. I understand that, but I feel like any more stress on my brain might kill it.
I cried four times today. The first time was before class, because I missed Aaron.
The second time was during Environmental Conservation, because my professor announced the exam a week from today, which, much to my chagrin, lands on the same day as my econ exam. the two classes I'm doing the worst in, midterms on the same day. I can't handle it. I just can't. I feel like I'm drowning. Also, I don't particularly care about either of the classes at the moment, especially econ, which I have absolutely NO interest in. Environmental Conservation I at least care about the subject matter, but don't particularly like the teaching methods. Whatever. Good luck to me.
The third time was while I was talking with Aarushi. I felt like a bad friend, and it was tough. Especially because I wanted to talk about my trip to Florida and unload my problems a little, but felt even more selfish because she sounded like she was having somewhat more confusing worse problems. I'm a bad person.
The fourth time I cried was on the phone with Aaron. That's embarrassing, but I think that was a result of all of the above also the fact that I was whining, an activity I've been working to eliminate from my life. And to Aaron nonetheless.
To continue: My dad has a girlfriend. Kate. Haven't met her, but he sure likes to brag about her. I'm happy that he's happy (I think) and I recognize that it's good for him. I still don't know how I feel about it...I feel almost like he's betraying my mother, which is a fact that's not founded in any fact or rational emotion other than the fact that she's lonely, too. Maybe it's normal. I guess 16 years of being single is enough, and more is too much to ask from someone. Again with the cliché.
I guess that is all for now, I have homework I should be attempting to do...I just want to sleep. I feel depressed.
this is not a directed post. it may or may not have rhyme or reason. these are thoughts that were thought and i needed to get out.
To begin: I'm watching this movie "Das Leben der Andere" crap. boring crap. not my style. I don't want to watch this, and I'm not.
I just got back from Florida yesterday. The drive back was long, we had to stop and rest. It was nice though, I got a lot of quality time with Sarah and hopefully she's not so full of contempt. There were a couple rough patches while we were in Florida. I love her.
Aarushi has been confiding in me with her problems, of which, I am selfishly of little help. I understand that, but I feel like any more stress on my brain might kill it.
I cried four times today. The first time was before class, because I missed Aaron.
The second time was during Environmental Conservation, because my professor announced the exam a week from today, which, much to my chagrin, lands on the same day as my econ exam. the two classes I'm doing the worst in, midterms on the same day. I can't handle it. I just can't. I feel like I'm drowning. Also, I don't particularly care about either of the classes at the moment, especially econ, which I have absolutely NO interest in. Environmental Conservation I at least care about the subject matter, but don't particularly like the teaching methods. Whatever. Good luck to me.
The third time was while I was talking with Aarushi. I felt like a bad friend, and it was tough. Especially because I wanted to talk about my trip to Florida and unload my problems a little, but felt even more selfish because she sounded like she was having somewhat more confusing worse problems. I'm a bad person.
The fourth time I cried was on the phone with Aaron. That's embarrassing, but I think that was a result of all of the above also the fact that I was whining, an activity I've been working to eliminate from my life. And to Aaron nonetheless.
To continue: My dad has a girlfriend. Kate. Haven't met her, but he sure likes to brag about her. I'm happy that he's happy (I think) and I recognize that it's good for him. I still don't know how I feel about it...I feel almost like he's betraying my mother, which is a fact that's not founded in any fact or rational emotion other than the fact that she's lonely, too. Maybe it's normal. I guess 16 years of being single is enough, and more is too much to ask from someone. Again with the cliché.
I guess that is all for now, I have homework I should be attempting to do...I just want to sleep. I feel depressed.
Friday, April 2, 2010
april already?
I always get the feeling that time passes faster and faster as I age. It's crazy. When I was younger, a hour was forever, a year might as well have been a lifetime, and ten years? Well I couldn't even remember that far back. Now, it's like, ten years ago was seriously 2000? That was so recently! Crazy. Also, it's already April. I only have one more month left until summer. It's so close. (Really, a month and a half, but who's counting?) It seems like I just came back from the Caribbean with Shaina last week.
Anyway, still in Florida, alone for the day, unexpectedly. We were going to go snorkeling, but that never panned out because Sarah decided to stay in Lake Placid with Phil (a terrible decision on her part). I worry.
It's not the worst case scenario, though, because yesterday was productive but I didn't get all the work I wanted to done anyway. I still have some work to do on my Tambopata debate project, which is taking me longer than I expected. It's not really a big deal now that I've gotten over the initial shock, but I still have a lot of work to do on it.
Yesterday was nice. I went out to meet Aaron's classmates, who were very nice. I socialized most with Simone and Jason, nice people. I didn't even mind all the medical talk, I thought it was cute, like Scrubs. Ha. This one guy there totally paid a prostitute to accompany him, which made me a little queasy because the last thing I wanted was to be seen as Aaron's prostitute. (Although I would like to think that I don't come off as a 6 foot tall silent Asian bimbo with too much eye shadow.) Hopefully. In situations like those, I always have interesting thoughts about the people around, because they are completely separate from anyone I know, and it's interesting to see how various social traits manifest themselves in other people. Like, I could spot several traits that I know the people I associate myself with have, and those people did too, even though they were older and in completely different phases of their lives. It's times like those that make me remember how common I am.
Today is Aarushi's birthday, so happy birthday, love. I miss you!
I'm sleepy. I might forgo homework for a little bit and go hang out by the pool. It's beautiful here again today. Sunny and gorgeous. I love being in Florida, but something tells me I wouldn't enjoy living here, because to me half the fun is being somewhere new and more beautiful than the place I belong in.
Anyway, still in Florida, alone for the day, unexpectedly. We were going to go snorkeling, but that never panned out because Sarah decided to stay in Lake Placid with Phil (a terrible decision on her part). I worry.
It's not the worst case scenario, though, because yesterday was productive but I didn't get all the work I wanted to done anyway. I still have some work to do on my Tambopata debate project, which is taking me longer than I expected. It's not really a big deal now that I've gotten over the initial shock, but I still have a lot of work to do on it.
Yesterday was nice. I went out to meet Aaron's classmates, who were very nice. I socialized most with Simone and Jason, nice people. I didn't even mind all the medical talk, I thought it was cute, like Scrubs. Ha. This one guy there totally paid a prostitute to accompany him, which made me a little queasy because the last thing I wanted was to be seen as Aaron's prostitute. (Although I would like to think that I don't come off as a 6 foot tall silent Asian bimbo with too much eye shadow.) Hopefully. In situations like those, I always have interesting thoughts about the people around, because they are completely separate from anyone I know, and it's interesting to see how various social traits manifest themselves in other people. Like, I could spot several traits that I know the people I associate myself with have, and those people did too, even though they were older and in completely different phases of their lives. It's times like those that make me remember how common I am.
Today is Aarushi's birthday, so happy birthday, love. I miss you!
I'm sleepy. I might forgo homework for a little bit and go hang out by the pool. It's beautiful here again today. Sunny and gorgeous. I love being in Florida, but something tells me I wouldn't enjoy living here, because to me half the fun is being somewhere new and more beautiful than the place I belong in.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
florida, revisited.
Yet again I find myself in the Sunshine State. Today was nice, Sarah and I went to the beach, but the surf wasn't as good as it was on Saturday, so we didn't stay as long. (Shout out to Walgreen's for letting us park in their lot without a ticket...)
So after the beach we went out to this fantastic sushi place right by Publix...it was so great! The sushi was cheap and delish. The real story happens on Monday and Tuesday--Disney World! I have yet to not get excited at the mere thought. Sarah and I had a great time...it was warm (except for the hurricane like storm driving from Boca to Orlando on Monday morning) and it was crowded, but we had great luck for the most part. Also, those line length indicators lie! Seriously, we went on Dinosaur, and it said there would be an 80 minute wait, but we were on the ride 10 minutes later. A stroke of great luck.
I miss my Madison, but not as much as usual, as I have a heap of homework waiting for me. If I can just get 50% of the work I'm setting out to do done, I will be in good shape.
The rest of the week looks good--short but good. Tomorrow Sarah is heading up to see Phil in Sebring, Florida, a short three hours from here. It's okay though, I need time to do my homework and it'll be nice to hang out with Aaron. Speaking of, I met his family, which was a good time. Nice people, those Cohens.
So after the beach we went out to this fantastic sushi place right by Publix...it was so great! The sushi was cheap and delish. The real story happens on Monday and Tuesday--Disney World! I have yet to not get excited at the mere thought. Sarah and I had a great time...it was warm (except for the hurricane like storm driving from Boca to Orlando on Monday morning) and it was crowded, but we had great luck for the most part. Also, those line length indicators lie! Seriously, we went on Dinosaur, and it said there would be an 80 minute wait, but we were on the ride 10 minutes later. A stroke of great luck.
I miss my Madison, but not as much as usual, as I have a heap of homework waiting for me. If I can just get 50% of the work I'm setting out to do done, I will be in good shape.
The rest of the week looks good--short but good. Tomorrow Sarah is heading up to see Phil in Sebring, Florida, a short three hours from here. It's okay though, I need time to do my homework and it'll be nice to hang out with Aaron. Speaking of, I met his family, which was a good time. Nice people, those Cohens.
Monday, March 1, 2010
home again home again jiggity jig
I'm home again (for now...)
hopefully these next three weeks will go pretty quickly.
and that is all.
i need sleep.
i need to do work
i need water
and now i'll stop whining and do my work.
hopefully these next three weeks will go pretty quickly.
and that is all.
i need sleep.
i need to do work
i need water
and now i'll stop whining and do my work.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
florida
it's sunny.
and warm.
and i went for a run today (can you tell how proud I am?)
also, publix is the best grocery store chain in the country.
the flight down wasn't bad.
we're staying at zach's house.
it's cool: somewhere between an apartment and a house.
i've taken to eating croutons. so delicious.
i miss pretty pretty princess.
time traveler's wife=best book ever.
cruise in two days.
ps:
my apologies to sarah, the love of my life, for not mentioning her before in my dear old blog. i don't update my blog frequently enough.
i says what i feels.
don't be mad.
and warm.
and i went for a run today (can you tell how proud I am?)
also, publix is the best grocery store chain in the country.
the flight down wasn't bad.
we're staying at zach's house.
it's cool: somewhere between an apartment and a house.
i've taken to eating croutons. so delicious.
i miss pretty pretty princess.
time traveler's wife=best book ever.
cruise in two days.
ps:
my apologies to sarah, the love of my life, for not mentioning her before in my dear old blog. i don't update my blog frequently enough.
i says what i feels.
don't be mad.
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