shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots

That has been my life this week! Starting with tequila shots in Milwaukee on Saturday evening. It was a good weekend even though I totally missed out on seeing Obama on Saturday. I hope that he'll come to Madison again before his time as President is through, as I haven't really properly gotten to see him. I really hope Obama wins this election, he's so accessible although he has his flaws as do all politicians, I can't help but wonder what terrors this country would be subjected to should Romney actually win. I can't even imagine how far backwards we could fall.

So, getting out of the whole political business, this week is getting real in Nursing School. It's been difficult to keep up with all the information I need to know for all the different classes, but I'm starting to get the hang of it. There are so many little assignments and things that can really easily be missed or overlooked it can get a little overwhelming at times. Not to mention when you wake up so early in the morning, 10 o'clock in the morning feels like lunchtime and I seem to have this insatiable hunger.

Today, after my pharmacology exam (first exam of the semester, didn't study enough, was a little bumpy but too late to sweat it now) there were shots to celebrate! Not the tequila sort, of course, but rather the type given intradermally or muscularly. I think that's the moment that every nurse remembers...maybe? Giving her first shot. I was the first person in the class to do it, and I was pretty frightened. I can't really explain the sensation...at first we had to give them to ourselves in our tummies, which HURT. I think I did it too slow when I did that one and it was rather painful. The second shot I administered was on one of my lab mates...I also went to slow on her and she said that wasn't so pleasant. But on the bright side, I managed to pull of a beautiful intradermal injection without a hitch! We practiced further on a 'fat bag' (yep, just a bag of fat) so I think I'm better at it now. The whole trick is to know that you have to stick someone with confidence and decision. You aren't going to hurt them if you're quick, but you will if you coddle them too much! It's really an opposite type situation. My lab instructor said that a lot of times nurses will hit bone, but luckily that didn't happen to me. The main goal was to act confident and not say 'oops' or other goofy comments to make your patient doubt your abilities. It's hard to keep things to myself sometimes and not give full disclosure about how inexperienced I am.

Other things that happened...I got a second job! All is back to normal now. I hope it's not a problem that I'm going to Germany this summer. (Although I am a little worried, hospital in Bonn hasn't gotten back to me after a week, do I e-mail again?) It will be a huge time suck and I'm probably missing out on a trip to Florida because of it, but ultimately it's worth it and I need the money. And the experience. It's a wonderful place to have a first CNA (as a team) job.

Half an hour nap on this desk before German? Sounds about right to me.

ciao

the first day

So, I'm sitting here at the Health Sciences Learning Center after my first morning working/shadowing up on the Oncology Floor at the University Hospital. It was a really interesting experience, which I will try to sum up here in thoughts and actual events. So. Here's how it went:

I woke up at 5am (heeeyyyy it's still pitch black, are you kidding me?!) shivering and kind of just accepted my fate, hopped in the shower, and got ready in record time to leave the house. The bike ride to the hospital was interesting, cloaked in a stylish UW Nursing School Uniform, I kept worrying that I would fall and eat cement, ruining my bleach white scrub top. Luckily, I made it all the way to the floor relatively problem free. When we arrived, we received our assignments, the first hour we followed around a nursing assistant (which I am technically licensed to do, so it was no new exciting experience, but a nice ease in to the rest of the morning). One challenging part of shadowing the Nurse's Aide was knowing that I am going shortly going to be in a position that is above her even though she was so much older an more experienced than I feel right now. It was weird because when we asked her questions about passing meds or some of the technology around the ward, she really had no idea because that wasn't in her scope of practice. It was nerve wracking knowing that I will have more responsibility than someone and will be responsible for bossing people around at some point in the very, very near future. Especially people who are older than me...it shows I'm going to have to have some authority and really know what I'm talking about in these situations. I should probably start studying more.

Anyway, after following around the NA for the first part, we switched to shadowing an RN, my potential future career. She was passing medicines, which was really interesting to watch. She was so knowledgeable about all of the meds she was giving and knew so much about her patient's dispositions...she knew how they would react to taking the medicines, who was a nice patient, who was grumpy...and she had all these tricks to help her patients feel special and unique even though her world was so complicated and she had so many patients to take care of. I want to be that type of person, the warm, caring person that makes each patient feel loved and taken care of, safe and trusting. It's really inspiring, especially when we would go into rooms that she would preface with: "this one isn't looking so good...the cancer has basically spread to his whole body" or "this family is going through a lot right now" or "he really wants to go home today, but we don't know if it'd be such a good idea." She had the perfect balance of not being too invested in these people's lives that she was going to get hurt, but still careful and warm to the patients and their families. I can't say enough about that.
So after some debriefing and charting practice (it's surprising how much of nursing is just knowing what and how to write things on charts for patients for other people to read and understand without having too much information or too little...) I'm sitting here waiting for my afternoon clinic, which I'll be visiting the Infusion Clinic. I'm not quite sure what that's about yet, but I will keep you all updated should anyone want to know.

I'm loving this job. Sometimes I get scared that I'm not doing enough to keep up. I feel like I've become a more average student since returning from Germany...I tend to put off doing work and just don't do extra work at all...which needs to change. I want to excel and be passionate and knowledgeable just like the other nurses. I have aspirations! I need to get my head in the game. One thing I've been working on more is focus. Do you have have those days where you just feel like you are somewhere else mentally? I need to actually have my head where I am, which I think will be helped out a lot once I get this whole internship stuff figured out for next summer. Things are looking good, the e-mail stuff and actual work in German should be greatly decreased for now. I'm literally still counting days though. I just want to go back...it's been weird since I've been home, this whole month. I feel like I had some weird switch go off in my brain and now I just try to fill my life with as much German stuff as I can so I can keep it all from slipping right through my fingers. I don't want to be the German obsessed girl here, but I am. It'll fix itself soon...things will balance out, but for now, the small things like blasting Peter Fox and CRo in my car make me happy, the big things like keeping in contact with my friends from Europe make me really happy, and connecting with other people in Madison also affiliated with Germany are nice additions to this school year. Being on a different continent also affected the way I deal with my family, which is an interesting side effect I didn't expect. I think it's improved many things about my outlook on that kind of stuff too.

Wednesday was a terrible day to learn from; among other terrible things, I lost my keys, had a little stress breakdown, and felt so crappy. Some days are like that though, I suppose. It feels good to be on the upswing of that, yesterday I FOUND my keys on my way to test drive cars for fun (buy Volkswagens, people!!) I try to keep positive and am just waiting for the next stress wave to roll over me and make me that much stronger.

I'm still hungry after 2 granola bars, an apple, and a sandwich. Metabolism problems or just legit super hungry? you be the judge.

influence

I've been doing a lot of people thinking lately...my German class today really made me think about interactions with people that can change lives, moments of lives, outcomes of lives...or have so many immeasurable influences on others. We're reading a book called, "Wenn gefährliche Hunde lachen" which is about two Africans trying to flee to Europe...not necessarily seeking asylum, just looking for a better life. I find it so interesting their deep reliance on other people to reach their goal of immigrating to a country which offers better prospects. How deeply trust has to go, and how much money can really buy.

In other aspects of my life, I feel like I meet people often who make me reevaluate myself and mold me into the Becca I am today. I've met people one time that affect me, I've met people several times who I give very little thought to. I think it's interesting that the intensity of a friendship isn't always determined by duration...nor proximity. In our time lines, we have people cross in and through and out and back in again...and their lives our linear, our lives are linear, but somehow for some amount of time we end up together. I've always been fascinated with that...the whole "your reality is very different from someone else's reality" phenomenon.

Anyway, today was my first day up on the ward for nursing school. I have to admit it was really cool to be wearing all professional clothes and be touring around the Oncology Unit...feeling like I was somebody. It's so nice that they try to make people feel like home there, but at the same time, there's something almost pathetic and sad, almost wilted, if you will, about trying to make being in the hospital for cancer any more enticing than it actually is. Which it's not. I couldn't help but take a deep breath when I walked into the first room as I imagined that I was the person entering the room to be taken care of. That I was the person who was probably not going to make it. That I was a part of the family who had to hear that their loved one was dying. It's a totally different experience walking in with a white coat, clipboard, and the power to tell people what to do. It's totally anders. I think my biggest fear at this point skills/learning wise is the inability to insert a Foley Catheter, which was a skill we learned today. The last time I saw it done I almost fainted and even when my professor nurse lady was demonstrating putting one into thin air I felt a little light headed. Something about sticking something backwards into a hold that's supposed to drain forwards scares me waaay more than drawing blood, injections, pushing babies out, or even cutting through skin. Something about it just sits wrong with me.

I must admit it was nice though to be in a hospital without laying there. In that German hospital, first of all, things were soooo much different. Like, the whole time I was there they didn't change my linens (they do it every day at UW) and the nurses couldn't do much...there was so much less going on in the hospital in Germany. AND SO MUCH LESS KLIMAANLAGE (air conditioning). The hospital is absolutely frigid. I had to wear my white coat just to keep from shivering (I was already wearing a sweater and long dress pants, mind you...)

So, life has officially restarted and all. I'm going to the Badger Game against Utah on Saturday (it's a night game, won't interfere with my work schedule!) and working on homework the rest of the weekend. I'm having a little trouble keeping caught up but getting organized was certainly a third of the battle. And I applied to my first Praktikum position today!! In Köln! Next summer! I didn't have time to apply to any of the other ones (seeing as I was in class when I applied to the one anyway) so hopefully I'll start up that whole process over the next week/weekend.

Nice to get things off my chest and keep thoughts organized. Had a good couple radio shows too which are therapeutic and I always enjoy getting callers and hearing that my friends are listening. It reassures me that sometimes people are great and do care a lot about me and the things I do...despite how I feel most of the time. Things are good. 

remember, remember, the middle of september

It's so busy here, but my life is filled with little rewarding moments that sometimes make it all worthwhile.

I must say this juggling act I've been putting up has to end soon (unfortunately). Or maybe I just have to find a better way to balance it. I spend a lot of time preoccupied with things that aren't even happening in my immediate life, things that are happening around the world, with friends, on TV, or even just random things happening on the side of the road that have little to do with me at all. Sometimes I just feel like I'm watching myself live a charade of a life...it's weird.

Nursing is proving to be interesting...not so different from what I expected. After reevaluating the social dynamics of 150 girls being together all the time, I think that it is a) a lot like an all girl's high school b) full of really beautiful, high intensity girls c) sometimes disorienting, because no matter how hard I try (well, I don't try that hard, let's be honest) I sometimes feel like I don't fit in all that well. I feel like I'd be better suited amongst a group of strange doctor types or weird pharmacists. Many of the girls I feel are so normal...wear PINK, or hip-indie clothes, or look glamourous even when they're wearing sweatpants type of girls. Part of me feels really out of place there and scared that everyone is judging me or something, but the other part of me wants to be accepted into that and look like they do and behave like they do. It's a really strange sensation and I'm not sure weather to swim into the waves or retreat back to shore.

Nursing itself is so right for me...in the way that I'm a caring and compassionate person. On the first day of class the Dean of Students for the School of Nursing gave a really inspiring speech about how we are going to be the people to take care of someone on the worst day of their life. It is a big responsibility and it's a challenge to make people feel loved, wanted, safe and calm when they're in a situation so other than normal. It's also called my inner hypochondriac to the surface (yes, I think I have hypertension, diabetes, am dying and at risk for a myriad of other diseases).

Homework is more than I had anticipated. There are many different places I have to check to find my homework...different syllabi, websites, resources, etc. and it can get overwhelming at times. I think that as long as I jump rope long enough and avoid missing anything that's actually due I'll be okay. We'll see how it goes.

Other things? Sarah's home. It's nice because I feel like I have someone who I can be attached at the hip to. I'm trying to get out more, but it's not going as well as I'd hoped...Madison night life is boring and trite and I don't know if I'm going to meet anyone worthwhile at the bars after giving out all that money anyway. Not entirely worth it.

Counting down the days before we go to Hawaii! I'm so excited to see Hanna. And Maja is probably coming to Madison in March! I couldn't stop smiling for a couple days when we hatched that whole plan. It's nice to have something to look forward to...before next summer. Which I'm getting worried about sending these letters/CVs/diplomas out. What if I don't get an internship? I was thinking about it and maybe I'd just go to Germany to work. Why not? I'm young, wild, and free (not so wild but we'll go with it in the spirit of things) and have the summer off. Perfect.

back to school

and so my hectic real life begins. luckily I only have class two days this week (by some miracle) but still I can feel the pressure. I've been weirdly upset all the time. Little things get to me, I feel like I'm missing a huge part of my life that has been Germany. And trying not to talk about it all the time is a huge challenge.

I've been at a weird position in my social life since I've gotten home. Been hanging out a lot with the two new guys from Freiburg here in Madison...they're nice. It's so interesting to show them around to all of the Madison things, to be a 'Bonn-Buddy' in reverse. It's such a great opportunity to learn (and re-learn) things about Madison and Southern Wisconsin that I've just taken for granted since I was a kid. They're also really helpful with my German and me not forgetting it completely.

There's just so much going on and so many errands that I have to run right now that it's hard for me to concentrate on writing (or really any one thing at the moment) so I'm going to have to make this post short and sweet (or quick and dirty, depending on how you view the situation). I'd just like to take this last bit to make a shameless self promotional plug for my radio shows:

Ponyhof, my new music program, will be broadcast on 91.7FM Madison as well as streamed live online here every Monday (Starting the 10th of September) from 2:00pm-3:00pm CST.

Who Shot the Serif? making a return for it's 4th (?) season will be airing every Wednesday evening from 9:00pm until 10:00pm on the same channel. You can also listen to our old episodes and get 'insider info' by liking our page on facebook.

Ciao!