...open doors!

So...after the third interview, I did, in fact, land a FANTASTIC job as a Resident Care Coordinator. At a privately funded Assisted Living Community (and Independent 55 and older Community) ten minutes (BY FOOT!) from my front door. Maybe closed doors really are just a way for life to tell you to open a window. I really can't imagine my good fortune, I got to quit my (not so) lovely cocktail waitressing job and am now working an administrative role in one of the more prestigious facilities in the area. Today I went to a Forum for families to come and talk with the staff and leaders in the community there, which was not only informative but also inspiring. It was so...reassuring to go to a meeting where they were discussing matching families up with resources in the community, namely, funding resources. It was amazing to be part of something that not only took care of patients on their worst days, but also followed them and helped them be healthy in between the check-ups and doctor's visits. And helping those families...and just watching the families caring for their parents, aunts and uncles. I felt like I was really doing something (or learning to do something!) to help. It was a great day.


In other news, I'm graduating THIS WEEK. I picked up my cap and gown today. And my red stole. And my Germany stole. And I got butterflies because I'm no longer going to be a student! I'm going to have to pay to buy beer at the Union (totally worth the lifetime membership, I must say).

And, in other other news, Marco is coming in two and a half weeks! I'm soo looking forward to that. We're going to camp in Yellowstone and the Badlands, but I'm having trouble reserving a campsite. Any suggestions??

closed doors

Two interviews and no jobs later, I'm feeling kind of crappy about myself. No, really crappy about myself. I'm going to work as a waitress all summer. And as a construction girl.

Someone recently told me that closed opportunities were usually just creations of new and better ones. I'm not sure if that's true...although maybe it is. If I get this visa next week (which I am crossing my fingers hard for) then maybe it's just the universe's way of telling me to enjoy my last summer in the US for a while. I hope that's what it is.

The worst part is that I don't even know what I did wrong. I had a good feeling after the interview and I don't know how I could've improved. The lady said the competition was really tough, but honestly, can it be that tough?? They were two other nursing students! There were only three of us! This means I couldn't even beat out one person. Not even one. That's just depressing.

Things have been hectic lately, I had a presentation and a project due yesterday (on a Monday! the world is cruel insanity). I'm on the home stretch, only three more weeks of class. Ever. It's a scary, but exciting world out there post-grad. crazy.

If I don't get this visa for next year (knock on very nice expensive rare cherry wood) I'm going to take out loans, quit my jobs and just go travel. Just go (obviously to places other than Europe). Worry about it later, come back and apply for a job as a nurse somewhere attainable, in a rural hospital. Live my life and try not to let the disappointment melt my spirit and destroy it. Maybe I'll get a dog.

The sad part, is with my luck I can see that happening. Lately I've been thinking a lot about the phrase 'if you don't like what they're saying, then change the conversation.' With my life. Instead of competing in the nursing field, I'm just flipping it up and doing something completely different and moving to Germany. Instead of trying to get a visa (which I'm terrified for, this streak of not getting what I want is scary!) and fighting a decision, I'll just go do something completely different. That's me. That's just how I am. Instead of doing things I don't enjoy, I just flip it on it's head and do something completely different. I don't know if that's a strength or a weakness...but for me it's kind of a fact. I have too much pride to not succeed in things, and if I can't succeed at something I care about I just...find something that I can succeed at. That's not really a good thing, typing it out like that, I suppose.

Now that I look at that paragraph and really analyze it, it's only true for professional endeavors. In social situations, I'll go out of my way to make things work and not give up on people or relationships for years. I wonder if that's the delicate balance I walk...and if that says something about where my priorities lie. And again the conversation changes--I wish what I wanted wasn't so dependent on other people.

So now...after all that psychobabble...I'm still sitting in a car place, waiting for tires and brakes. Thoughts can alter and distort reality so much, sometimes I forget that.

shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots

That has been my life this week! Starting with tequila shots in Milwaukee on Saturday evening. It was a good weekend even though I totally missed out on seeing Obama on Saturday. I hope that he'll come to Madison again before his time as President is through, as I haven't really properly gotten to see him. I really hope Obama wins this election, he's so accessible although he has his flaws as do all politicians, I can't help but wonder what terrors this country would be subjected to should Romney actually win. I can't even imagine how far backwards we could fall.

So, getting out of the whole political business, this week is getting real in Nursing School. It's been difficult to keep up with all the information I need to know for all the different classes, but I'm starting to get the hang of it. There are so many little assignments and things that can really easily be missed or overlooked it can get a little overwhelming at times. Not to mention when you wake up so early in the morning, 10 o'clock in the morning feels like lunchtime and I seem to have this insatiable hunger.

Today, after my pharmacology exam (first exam of the semester, didn't study enough, was a little bumpy but too late to sweat it now) there were shots to celebrate! Not the tequila sort, of course, but rather the type given intradermally or muscularly. I think that's the moment that every nurse remembers...maybe? Giving her first shot. I was the first person in the class to do it, and I was pretty frightened. I can't really explain the sensation...at first we had to give them to ourselves in our tummies, which HURT. I think I did it too slow when I did that one and it was rather painful. The second shot I administered was on one of my lab mates...I also went to slow on her and she said that wasn't so pleasant. But on the bright side, I managed to pull of a beautiful intradermal injection without a hitch! We practiced further on a 'fat bag' (yep, just a bag of fat) so I think I'm better at it now. The whole trick is to know that you have to stick someone with confidence and decision. You aren't going to hurt them if you're quick, but you will if you coddle them too much! It's really an opposite type situation. My lab instructor said that a lot of times nurses will hit bone, but luckily that didn't happen to me. The main goal was to act confident and not say 'oops' or other goofy comments to make your patient doubt your abilities. It's hard to keep things to myself sometimes and not give full disclosure about how inexperienced I am.

Other things that happened...I got a second job! All is back to normal now. I hope it's not a problem that I'm going to Germany this summer. (Although I am a little worried, hospital in Bonn hasn't gotten back to me after a week, do I e-mail again?) It will be a huge time suck and I'm probably missing out on a trip to Florida because of it, but ultimately it's worth it and I need the money. And the experience. It's a wonderful place to have a first CNA (as a team) job.

Half an hour nap on this desk before German? Sounds about right to me.

ciao