organics

Well, after a two year hiatus, I'm back and blogging! Ok, back to my college ways.

I guess I'll just rationalise it by saying that I wasn't actually IN school for a year and a half and blogging just doesn't work as well when you're not procrastinating on something you should be doing.

A rather fast recap of what's going on with my life:

I'm living in Germany now. I successfully uprooted and replanted in September 2014, worked as an Au Pair for a hellish year in which my mother died, my dad got married, I went to Greece, and I was randomly accepted to medical school in Bonn (on a whim). It was a big year. And a hard year.

So now I'm back in full student mode, in a new country, studying something more intense than I've never studied before. I'm older now, 25, and it's not as easy as the first time around. Or maybe it's a language thing. Whatever it is, learning stuff about medicine is hard.

The university system in Germany is quite different from ours back in the States. All grades are based on one exam at the end of the semester (sometimes also at the beginning of the next). You can take a test for a class you never attended. You basically are your own....is what I'm figuring out. They use this "sink or swim" tactic, and if you don't teach yourself the material on your own time, you fail. Unique to medicine though, (thankfully) is that we don't get grades. Everything is purely pass/fail, which is helpful. I thought, yeah, 60%, easy smeazy. Nooooo. It's not. Try remembering every sulcus and tuberculum and ligament and what they do and how they can get hurt. A whole semester worth of only BONES and I can barely manage to get 60%. Next up on the challenge list is organic chemistry (which I stupidly never took in the US). That exam is on Friday and I'm pretty behind because it's just SO MUCH. And it's super tailored toward medicine so it's like an overview of the important things and then they dropped right into biochemistry with amino acids and DNA. It's just a lot. On the bright side, I learned so much by myself and it really gives me something to be proud of, where as in the US it's more like I feel like I had been "taught" so much and the sense of accomplishment wasn't as high I think.

So that's what's going on. What's coming up?

After the embryology and chemistry exams this week, I'm flying to Madrid to meet up with my dad on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to seeing him...and maybe working on my Spanish? I would love to learn Spanish! Marco and I started on Narcos last night on Netflix and it just made me want to be able to speak Spanish SO BAD.

Anyway, after that, at the beginning of March, I'm embarking on my next adventure to Vietnam. I'm heading over there with Marco, Maja and Nick. I'm pretty excited but a bit nervous about the budget. As a non-working full-time medical student living abroad the finance situation is a bit tight. I booked those tickets nervously and thought, yeah, until then I can find a job...but unfortunately learning all this stuff takes a bit more time up than I would've expected which doesn't leave a lot of time for employment. Ah, c'est la vie. You're only young once.

And then it all starts up again in April: this time with developmental neurobiology, physics lab, biochemistry, and histology. (And maybe more? Stay tuned to find out!)

Alright, I think it's time to get back to peptide bonding and kinetics. But this was therapeutic. Maybe I'll try to get back into the groove...

when becca can't study any more

I am studied out, yet, I haven't even studied that much. I'm scared because it feels like I know very little about the subjects that I have exams in. I feel like I might fail these tests, but every time I look at the material, I'm like, "I more or less know this...meh. Six Feet Under it is!"

I barely studied for a few hours today. And mostly it was chemistry. Tomorrow I have my chem exam in the evening and my biology exam the next day in the morning. I have yet to pack, which is a bad thing because I can't believe it but I'm leaving really, really shortly.

My lack of devotion to studying scares me. I know nothing about plants. And if he tests us on vocabulary, I'm screwed, because I don't know SHIT about vocabulary, or where stuff happens, or schlerenchyma. What the hell kind of word is that? and if you wikipedia it the definition is so vague! it doesn't help that what we have to know is so ill defined. I really wish professors would just lay it out, because it's not like we can know everything about EVERYTHING that they do.


As far as chemistry goes, that's pretty well defined. I just don't think I can think about it anymore. I don't know everything, but I think my knowledge is serviceable and I have an A in that class.

So that's the wrap up on school. Shaina and I are heading down to Fort Lauderdale on Tuesday. We finally figured out our transportation fiasco: my dad is driving us to Milwaukee, and Zach, (thank-you so much, I know he'll never read this but nonetheless) is driving us all the way from the airport to our hotel thing. And to get to the cruise, Zach's very kind brother is being amazing and driving us there (to Miami, from Ft. Lauderdale!) (slightly higher chance he'll read this, thank-you so much!). I guess the two details left to sort out are getting back from the hotel thingy to the airport and getting from Milwaukee back home on the 5th...ah, well. We'll figure it out.

Alright. 20 minutes of biology. Ready? Go!

Warning:
this is not a directed post. it may or may not have rhyme or reason. these are thoughts that were thought and i needed to get out.
To begin: I'm watching this movie "Das Leben der Andere" crap. boring crap. not my style. I don't want to watch this, and I'm not.
I just got back from Florida yesterday. The drive back was long, we had to stop and rest. It was nice though, I got a lot of quality time with Sarah and hopefully she's not so full of contempt. There were a couple rough patches while we were in Florida. I love her.
Aarushi has been confiding in me with her problems, of which, I am selfishly of little help. I understand that, but I feel like any more stress on my brain might kill it.
I cried four times today. The first time was before class, because I missed Aaron.
The second time was during Environmental Conservation, because my professor announced the exam a week from today, which, much to my chagrin, lands on the same day as my econ exam. the two classes I'm doing the worst in, midterms on the same day. I can't handle it. I just can't. I feel like I'm drowning. Also, I don't particularly care about either of the classes at the moment, especially econ, which I have absolutely NO interest in. Environmental Conservation I at least care about the subject matter, but don't particularly like the teaching methods. Whatever. Good luck to me.
The third time was while I was talking with Aarushi. I felt like a bad friend, and it was tough. Especially because I wanted to talk about my trip to Florida and unload my problems a little, but felt even more selfish because she sounded like she was having somewhat more confusing worse problems. I'm a bad person.
The fourth time I cried was on the phone with Aaron. That's embarrassing, but I think that was a result of all of the above also the fact that I was whining, an activity I've been working to eliminate from my life. And to Aaron nonetheless.

To continue: My dad has a girlfriend. Kate. Haven't met her, but he sure likes to brag about her. I'm happy that he's happy (I think) and I recognize that it's good for him. I still don't know how I feel about it...I feel almost like he's betraying my mother, which is a fact that's not founded in any fact or rational emotion other than the fact that she's lonely, too. Maybe it's normal. I guess 16 years of being single is enough, and more is too much to ask from someone. Again with the cliché.

I guess that is all for now, I have homework I should be attempting to do...I just want to sleep. I feel depressed.

colonel hathi

great night. wizard of oz was super fly. not sleeping afterwords was also fly, although i probably should've slept more...
jungle book is a totally legit way to fall asleep. also:
being at my high school was really weird. is it weird that i feel older than them, but not at the same time? they're so puny! high school takes on a whole different persona once you're not dealing with it anymore.
today was pretty good though. all in all, i'd say positive. tired though. just babbling at this point.
other triumphs:
100% on first exam of semesterrr
gym twice in one day
disney
other fails:
no sleep
no homework
eating a lot that i shouldn't have