orlandon't ever want to leave

After the emotional shittiness that became Sunday night, I urged my dad on Monday morning to please, please take us to Disney World. Success! Disney World is like a miracle drug...it cures all of my emotional ailments, it gives me hope that there will be better days and that, as cliche, commericial, overused and obnoxious it may seem, dreams do come true. I came out of Tuesday at Disney World feeling less worthless and less down on myself, whether it was because I was distracted for the day or because it genuinely gave me a renewed outlook on things, that's what it was.

I guess the sore spot was the aftermath. At the time, I love seeing all the happy babies and good parents with their kids, smiling and enjoying the day. Because I love people watching so much, nothing makes me happier than people watching in the places that make people the happiest. Some kids...I swear I'll never see a happier kid. And I love that moment when parents ask their kids a stupid question, the kid gives them a cute answer and the joy just radiates out from the parent's face. I love that moment.

Looking back on it though, it's a tinged with a bit of sadness...feeling like those parents will never be me. I always get this panic...that those parents will never be me because I want it so badly. I wonder if any of those parents thought about it at all...or if it just came to them, like it's supposed to. And then I feel bad for being so envious because that's one of those complex perfidious emotions that seems like it's not so bad, but in reality, it's one of the worst feelings you can have towards yourself and towards others. I hate that emotion.

So anyway, today was another great day. I've been waiting since I was 11 to go to Hogwarts, so the 45 minute line this afternoon seemed like it passed in the blink of an eye. They did it so well. There was Zonko's and Honeydukes and Olivanders, The Three Broomsticks, the Hogs Head, Flourish and Blotts...there were shops that I'd forgotten about (and have forgotten again, but at the time I was like, No bloody way!!) and the best part about it all was that the houses weren't parallel or completely level, they were just like they had been described in the books...tilting as if held together by magic. All the doors opened with real doorknobs, none of that automatic crap! And Hogwarts...oy vey I tell you, I swear when I walked into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom Lupin could've strode up beside me and I would've been like, 'oh hey Remus!'

And the Butterbeer was everything I'd hoped for and more.

So, now, sitting back here in South Florida, I return to my not-so-happy mood. When I get like this it's best just to get my mind off of it...my dad and I made Thanksgiving dinner tonight so we would have time to eat all the leftovers before going home. He's getting more like my grandma all the time...it's almost frightening. I hate seeing my dad's humanity, he's supposed to be a superhero.