discouragement

As the semester comes to a close, I feel as if I learned a lot about myself since the beginning. I realized I'm not the smartest date in the fruit bowl, I have will power, I need friends, and I love Madison. I really love Madison. And I love those friends I do have.
Today I became highly discouraged with my progress in school so far. I got a mediocre grade on my paper, worth a fair amount of my grade (25%) and on the last test my grade was only fair. I have hope, I guess, 50% more to make up but I foresee it being pretty challenging. My econ mid-term grade comes back tomorrow, which should make me feel better (I hope, the advisory curve is set as an 84% overall is an A). I know no one wants to hear about this, but I figure blogging about it is more effective instead of bitching at everyone I know. Not effective at all.
Another part of me that I think has matured is my attitude toward dependence on boys. I don't really feel like I need one, (for the ABSOLUTE first time in a LONGGG time). It's great. Really. I don't truly feel the need to impress anyone but myself, and I dress up because I like it, not to attract somebody that probably won't look anyway. The only thing I want is to be a mom, and there are so many possibilities out there that I've begun not to worry about it so much. I just want a daughter, so much. The husband, meh. If worst comes to worst I can handle it myself.

I'm going on cruise on the first of the year with my dear cousin, Shaina. I'm quite excited, I think it'll be a blast. I'm also excited for the warmth, because today it snowed. It was pretty and kind of mystical, but the rest of the year is yet to come. I know by February I'll be singing a different tune. But I did get the chance to use my fluffy white mittens and white scarf, I thought I looked classy.

I guess the biggest new development in my life is my decision to go to Germany. The application is in, I'm going. I'm going. I can't believe it. And it's made me realize how much I love it here. I really do, there's no place I would want to grow old more. I want to travel and live my life, yes, perhaps spend some significant time away, but this is my home, and it will always be. I'm such a badger. :)

Time for me to go I guess, the hustle of Rheta's isn't exactly the most picturesque place to be writing reflective blogs...but it'll do.