That is the sound time would make if you could hear it passing. It would be this like...squeaky, subtle noise that you could only hear if you listened really, really close. Like a Pokémon making the sound of what it is. Dwindling time.
It is crazy that it is already the second to last day in April. I remember driving around near my Grandma's house a while back and thinking, "Man, I wish it were just Thanksgiving already!" where does this time go? I think what they say is definitely true, each second is shorter relative to your life span so time just speeds up and takes no prisoners. And if this semester, this impossible, terrible, stressful semester is almost over, what does that mean for the upcoming summer? How fast will that pass? I remember last year around this time. I remember two years ago around this time. And three years ago. After that I think each year around this time becomes less distinctive and it just turns into this conglomeration of memories set in my head as this idea of what late April/early May is. Warm and rainy. Warm and sunny. The time when the air smells like dew and the wind finally feels warm on your skin instead of chilling you to the bone. It's a nice time of year.
On Friday my mom was readmitted to the ICU for a myriad of things: low blood pressure, this infection, that infection, this and that. I feel so cold now--so calloused by all this I think the nurses must think I'm a terrible daughter. But sitting in the emergency room until midnight doesn't make me want to stay for her to get settled on the new ward, even if it is an ICU. I know this routine, I've been here before. She was asleep anyway.
Me leaving in 17 days concerns me. In a good way, for the most part. In the normal, "who the hell is going to sublet my apartment!" kind of way. In the, "oh god, I can't speak German! I need to do some serious studying of birth words!" kind of way. But at times, when I see her in her hospital, it reminds me of how fragile her life really is. How it could all go so tragically wrong with such little notice...and it scares me. I guess we all have to learn to live with these fears...and I'll get along and have a good time, and come back with so many life changing experiences and she'll be around to see me come home from the airport. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
It is crazy that it is already the second to last day in April. I remember driving around near my Grandma's house a while back and thinking, "Man, I wish it were just Thanksgiving already!" where does this time go? I think what they say is definitely true, each second is shorter relative to your life span so time just speeds up and takes no prisoners. And if this semester, this impossible, terrible, stressful semester is almost over, what does that mean for the upcoming summer? How fast will that pass? I remember last year around this time. I remember two years ago around this time. And three years ago. After that I think each year around this time becomes less distinctive and it just turns into this conglomeration of memories set in my head as this idea of what late April/early May is. Warm and rainy. Warm and sunny. The time when the air smells like dew and the wind finally feels warm on your skin instead of chilling you to the bone. It's a nice time of year.
On Friday my mom was readmitted to the ICU for a myriad of things: low blood pressure, this infection, that infection, this and that. I feel so cold now--so calloused by all this I think the nurses must think I'm a terrible daughter. But sitting in the emergency room until midnight doesn't make me want to stay for her to get settled on the new ward, even if it is an ICU. I know this routine, I've been here before. She was asleep anyway.
Me leaving in 17 days concerns me. In a good way, for the most part. In the normal, "who the hell is going to sublet my apartment!" kind of way. In the, "oh god, I can't speak German! I need to do some serious studying of birth words!" kind of way. But at times, when I see her in her hospital, it reminds me of how fragile her life really is. How it could all go so tragically wrong with such little notice...and it scares me. I guess we all have to learn to live with these fears...and I'll get along and have a good time, and come back with so many life changing experiences and she'll be around to see me come home from the airport. And they all lived happily ever after. The end.
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