post number 82

Alright, Alright, I suppose I owe the world an apology for overdramatic self-indulgent blog posts. (And by the world, I mean all 2 of you reading this...) Truth is, I handle situations in which my heart is in question poorly. Always. I know this of myself, but I have a hard time communicating to those around me, so I blog about it, because I want somebody to know, but I have few words to tell anybody. Which I guess ends up a little embarrassing for me in the long run, but a price I'm willing to pay overall.
Still, I feel foolish and sappy, and enjoy my self-indulgent romantic side at times. Only at times. Yesterday, Sarah and I went to Urban Outfitters (I always go in there, but never buy anything unless it's on super duper clearance because it's so expensive and the clothes honestly look like you could buy them at a thrift store) and I read this [pictured] book, which I eventually ended up buying for half the price on Amazon. Of course, it was the sap in me that enjoys it. And I revel in it. It makes me feel just like everyone else, but in a good way. Like, maybe I say some stupid sappy stuff, but people find a way for it to work for them. People who are in love write from the heart, they write how they feel, they have feelings and jokes that no one else understands and it's so special for them. It doesn't matter how many people feel a certain way or how unique one relationship is, the emotion is still the same across so many people. It's a good thing. For a while now I've been thinking about the 'crowd mentality' and how there are so many people around and we all do the same thing, every day, day in and day out (this whole notion is mostly fueled by an ill thought that occured to me at Summerfest recently) and require the same basic things. Humans all enjoy the same basic things, whether it be a song with three verses, a refrain and a bridge, comfortable clothes, or drinking fluids. This world is designed for humans! I don't know, there was something weird about that for me. I feel petty in a way that I feel like everyone is the same, but feels unique. We're all the same...like snowflakes. I know we've all grown up hearing the whole 'each snowflake is different' but honestly, when you see snow, it covers the ground and no one bothers to pick out one individual snowflake from the rest of them. Once spring rolls around, they all melt back together anyway. Which is how we are. We think the world is here for us to use and mold into something that fits our basic needs and most outrageous desires, but it's just a planet that we've carved to fit us. It's such a human thing to do.
Getting away from that whole rant, back to the love letters, I don't want to feel separated from other humans anymore. I feel like my line of thought has been alienating for me, and I don't know if I can unthink it. But I'm trying. I thnk the love letters thing is helping, because I'm sappy, and I realy believe in love. I want to. I want to see that something that so many people can feel can be enjoyed by each and every one of them in the same way. But different.
I don't know. I'll stop babbling now. You're a saint if you've finished this post. Props to you.