madison

I got back on Thursday, spent Friday downtown on campus. It was a weird sensation to be downtown with no homework, no studying, no real sense of purpose while all those other students bustled around me busily. I feel like I'm kind of in academic limbo, which scares me because what's to come when I'm in Germany? Will there be payback? It was enjoyable to sit and stare at the surroundings (even in the frigid weather) because I felt like I was home, a feeling I have been missing and estimate I will be missing even more in the weeks and months to come.

Anyway, yesterday Connie and I also found a new apartment. I felt kind of bad because I didn't want to rush her into getting this place but a) it was beautiful b) it was in the best neighborhood c) we needed to sign the lease before I leave on Thursday and that doesn't really leave much wiggle room. I think we made the right decision though! It's in a really quaint house near Trader Joe's, relatively far from campus but located by a really eclectic mix of shops and whatnot. And the busses run every half hour so that's something. The apartment itself is huge, the kitchen and bathrooms aren't so large but overall it's pretty roomy. (Furniture, anyone?) We have a fireplace and a parking spot, hard wood floors and actual counter space. The best part, you ask? Definitely the lack of nightclub. I think it might even be far enough from Camp Randall so things aren't crazy on game day. Sweet.

After going to work, I came back to campus and hung out with Janet. I'm trying to really spend quality time with people while I'm back here for the week, which is really tiring actually. I've created an impossible schedule for myself, with working as a home care aide for a few hours ever other day...I decided not to go to Woodman's today in favor of visiting my family in Milwaukee which I felt took precedence. I have two sides of my family to visit, many friends and I have to devote a considerable amount of time to my parents and immediate family because I won't see them. Especially my mother who I really, truly am worried about. I want to just brush it off and say she'll be okay, but I'm not so sure that's the case. Not to sound like a spoiled 8 year old, but it's not fair for her to hold me back by being vindictive and passive agressive. I have big opportunities to explore the world, something that I absolutely live for. I should be able to grow away from her without feeling a mounting gloom and guilt in the pit of my stomach; I worry she won't be able to handle this time so well.

This morning I'm trying to just get stuff around the house done. I filed my taxes in record time, now all that's really left is financial aid for next year. (Not that anyone wanted to hear about those irrelevant details of my life).

I've been listening to a lot of German music and trying really hard to sing along because I fear I've forgotten all my German and I'm leaving in five days. I have no idea how to speak German. I can say a total of maybe, 20 phrases that will help me. I'm looking forward to the field test though...