uncharted territory

I'm busier than I've ever been in my life, but I don't like having time to think. I wish I could always be on task and forget that I had any life whatsoever outside of school. I don't like thinking about facebook, I don't like thinking about Mad Men (although, let's be honest, I really do love thinking about Mad Men...another escape from reality. but you see my point here.) I don't like thinking about the gaping hole in my life where friends should be. I don't like thinking about love, I don't like thinking about the people upstairs and how they are making up for the sex that I am not having. I like being busy with tasks that are doable and containable and needed. I don't like thinking about the months to come.
Fundamentally, there is something wrong with this. I want to be able to think and rationalize and enjoy my own company, but I've taken such a horrible turn in my thoughts this past week with the time that I do have to myself (which is barely any, mind you. I really am busy 85% of the time, either studying or reading or trying to work Excel). But those few minutes before I go to sleep, in the shower, while I'm walking...my unfocused thoughts still get to me then.
It's not that I'm not happy. That's not it. I'm very happy. I feel like my life is full and many, many, maybe too many people depend on me. I like living by myself, I like working and I love school. But what I don't love is that no one is there for me. I feel guilty about wanting to talk about my life with any one else, because honestly, who cares? Everyone else is really busy, I know, and every one else is stressed out, I know. And no one wants to hear a whiny, (almost) 20 year old rant. The more I think, the more upset I get that no one else will hear my thoughts. No one else will hear my take on things I heard or saw or read, or ideas that I have, or how many bazillion commitments I've made. I do these things for myself, but there is a part of me that really wishes that some one else...just one person...really did care about me and my life.