I'll still be here tomorrow. I'll still be breathing next week. I'll still feel the way I do about certain things. Regardless, I've had a really bad week. It's been awful. I've felt alone in a way more serious than any lonely bout I've ever had before. Now, don't get me wrong, I love to be alone physically, not bothered by people or plans or any of that, but I feel more alone than that. Like no one cares. It sounds so immature and emotional, but hey, I write what I want.
It's almost as if I have no one to talk to, to listen to me, to hear me, and to care. It's scary. I give all of myself to my friends and family, to those around me who I really care about, and I feel as if I get only a fraction of that back. It's scary for me because I feel vulnerable and sad and helpless, because I can't make people care about me. I can't be mad at them for not caring either. It's a sticky situation, and all arrows point to it being better to just not care for people and actually lock myself in my room and cut myself off from emotion...but that's so unlike me. I care about my friends. I really do. I love them and want them to be happy, at any expense to me. It's just that honestly, this past few weeks have been horrible for me, and I need someone to return the favor and be there for me. And there's no one around. I feel so empty.
And there I go wearing my heart on my sleeve again. Have mercy.
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